Welcome to Malarky Monday!
(the *I Spy edition)
This is the one day of the week that we offer up some
of the crazy stuff we find floating around the web.
We hope to make you giggle, spit, laugh, cry until it hurts and ultimately smile.
There’s nothing here that will take a boatload of time so be sure to visit
my fellows in hijinx!

Moe!
Morky!!
Dilligaf!!!

This week I ‘spied’ some serious and epic fails on the net.
Here are several leviathan food fails.
Anyone for some canned chicken?
I spy wicked disgusting.

How about a bacon rifle?
I wonder if it can fire a fried egg?
I spy a stupid guy way too proud of a pork product.

Or my personal favorite: Meat Water
Mmm, mmm, mmm
You just can’t beat the combination of ground beef and aged cheddar.
I didn’t even mention the ease of portability.
Got ketchup?
I spy a drink that’s light years away from thirst quenching.

Last but not least this hysterical cat clip.
I spy a seriously funny cat.

Happy Malarky Monday!

Just a short video regarding the immeasurable distance internet technology has achieved.
Australia is a millisecond away but downloads can make us weep.
I love this video for many reasons.
Maybe because I understand it.
Or not.

I thought I was going to put up a Facebook page and go anonymous but I was wrong.
It didn’t work out that way at all.
In the past 24 hours, I’ve changed my name three times and received over 60
emails regarding changes in my status.
I’ve also managed to piss off someone already and have been told to, “Go fry ice.”
In a nice way, of course.
That must be the Facebook way or something.
Jesus Krispies, some people really take their FB seriously.
I am getting a kick out of the people I’ve already run across though.
It’s like old home week.
My daughter Sarah has ‘friended’ me but I’m currently experiencing the heartache of being ‘blocked’ for the first time.
Ouch that hurts, SG. (cue the violins, please)
Who knows, Pamela may have her own Facebook page before the end of the day.
I’ll tell her, “It’s just like Twitter. Except different. Kinda.”
She’ll shake her head and say, “Whatever.”
That means, “Go ahead. Sign me up. Even though I won’t know what the hell I’m doing.”
I’ll tell her, “Hey, that’s what we have the kids for.”
For now maybe we’ll wait on a Facebook page for rumswizzle.
She’s just started getting good at Twitter.
Click on the picture above for a gander at my profile page.

. . .  without a comment!

I’ve added a ‘Top Comment’ widget to my sidebar to get an idea as to who
comments the most.
There were no surprises (Maureen) but I thought it was interesting at the very least.
I’m thinking about a contest though . . .
Most comments at years end for the top 3 visitors will garner you a prize.
Right now I’m thinking about something with my URL on it (a t-shirt, kitchen magnet, bumper sticker, coffee mug)
Maybe a favorite book of mine that I could ‘dedicate’ to the individual winners.
Or I do have a collection of vintage postcards which I could send hand-written messages to
the three winners. (maybe all three prizes!)
Something to shoot for?
Your call.
That said, please comment.
As much as you can.
Give yourself a winning chance.
Get yourself into the top 12 (if you’re not already there) and who knows?
Yeah, I love traffic almost as much as I like comments.
Can you tell?
And it looks like I may have New Years Eve off this year from gigging (first one in 30 years)
Could be fun to post the winners at midnight as the ball drops . . .
:mrgreen:

ps. those of you that don’t have a gravatar (image next to your name)
go to Gravatar.com and set up an account.
It’s free, painless and easier than giving blood.
And you can pick your own picture!
Once you’re done, your gravatar appears whenever you post a comment!
Very cool.

I am all about the stars.
Just downloaded ‘Stellarium’ tonight.
Had to share.
Even the desktop icon is cool for this program.
If you like stars and the night sky this program is nuckin’ futs.
It’s a big file (@40megs) but totally worth it.
I’ve been trolling the sky for the past half hour.
Click on the picture above and enjoy.
Any guesses as to the constellation up there?
(Moe, don’t bother)
:mrgreen:
Enjoy . . .

I’ve been thinking about starting a website called Shitter that’s based on Twitter.
It’s all about sharing information.
The gist of it is that you update your status from the can.
It would be all text because you just don’t bring a laptop into the bathroom.
A sleek mobile application called ‘Poopdeck’ would be nice though.
When someone enters the ‘deck’ you would hear a toilet flush
and when someone ‘sheets’ . . .  well, you get the idea.
There’s an endless list of apps that would work as well:
Shitteroo (for the folks in Australia), SweetShit, ShitStain,
ShitHead, HolyShit, Shiterator, Shits Like Me, TopSheet,
Shubble (used in times of gastrointestinal distress), Sheetburner, Loud Sheeter, ShitterMeThis, SheetShots, ShitKit, Shitbook, ShitterPhone, ToughShit
and Shwapper (can’t figure out what I’d use that for but I know I’d need it eventually)
There would be funny sheets, nasty sheets, bad sheets and sexy sheets.
Maybe even badly needed sheets after a Saturday night out on the town
getting wrecked. Beer-induced sheets and painful sheets, Shitter would have it all.
My favorite app would be GeoShit, a cool tracking program that tells you
where you left your last sheet.
The truth of the matter is that some very deep thinking is done when you’re
steaming one through the hoop and that needs to be addressed.
Problem is that someone already owns the URL. Truth.
Guess it’s back to the drawing board for me to check out some new shit . . .

I follow many people on Twitter and one of them is the writer Jonathan Carroll.
Although most of his tweets are of quotes and interesting life observations he
occasionally will post a link to a website he’s found that interests him.
Being a big JC fan I inevitably follow his links.
I consider Carroll to be an incredibly creative man and am usually glad I clicked on
one of his recommended links.
Today was no exception and this site has stayed with me all day.
Click on the picture above to visit a site called ‘Dear God’.
As Carroll says in his Twitter, he doesn’t know if the site is interesting or creepy.
I found it to be much more than that, personally.
Follow Carroll on Twitter.
He is an amazing man.
Maybe he uses Stumbleupon to find these sites but I am forever entertained and enlightened.
This site is a bit intense.
Forearmed is forwarned.

It’s been obvious to me for sometime now that I have some personal issues regarding my blog.
I spoke with a close childhood friend the other night (who occasionally reads here @Smoke and Mirrors)
and he said, “I can tell you really love your blog.”
He went on to say why he thought that way and I had to agree.
I do love my little place here.
It’s home.
As always with me, there’s a dark side, a side only seen by others like me.
It’s with that in mind that I came up with 10 blogging issues that you may be able to relate to:

If you’ve ever:

1. Fallen asleep at your laptop (sitting up) while updating your plugins, theme, blogroll or widgets, you, my friend have issues.
2. Spent longer than the time it takes to cook an 18lb turkey while looking for that elusive ‘perfect’ theme, I hope you had on your blogging Depends (for the times when the bathroom just has to wait)
3. Posted a spam email because it struck you as oddly interesting and you just happened to find the perfect accompanying picture to go with it, it’s BCD, pal
   blogging compulsive disorder
4. Had a conversation with a close non-writing friend and somehow wound up explaining how Google Adsense works, for the love of God, get checked.
5. Seriously contemplated ordering bumperstickers, t-shirts and keychain beer openers with your URL on them, you need a support group.
6. Suffered intermittent bouts of insomnia due to one of your unpublished drafts that’s been leaving you with desperate feelings of artistic inadequacy, there’s a strait jacket waiting somewhere with your name already written on it.
7. Planned an upcoming summer vacation with more than one or two people on your blogroll, you’re justifiably insane. Your wireless mouse is constantly talking to you but at least you’re happy in your own little world. Eat a Snickers. You’re nuts anyway.
8. Been jealous that Firefox can remember all 847 of your blog-related/ FTP passwords when you can’t even remember your cell phone number. There’s a word for people like you. Can’t recall what it is but yeah, you. (and me, I guess)
9. Spoken to a Verizon rep in Tucson, Arizona to get your DSL fixed and somehow managed to slip in not only your blog name but your URL as well. Crazy people can be smooth sometimes.
10. Wondered what you did with your time before you became a blogger.

I can say that this blogging thing still makes me happy
and that I am blessed to have a wife that
understands that.
Some people aren’t that lucky.
She knows what makes me tick, I guess.
And though I may tick a bit erratically sometimes,
she ultimately understands.
I’m nuts, but at least I’m lucky.
Don’t get much better than that.

“Still looking for that blue jean, baby queen
Prettiest girl I ever seen
See her shake on the movie screen, blog on . . .”
BLOG ON.

The following is an actual junk email that had me laughing my ass off.
It was kinda like reading Hemingway on acid.
If all spam was like this, I think I’d actually read more of it.

“The grand piano is single-handledly gentle.
Some eggplant related to a traffic light makes love to a carelessly frustrating rattlesnake, or the hole puncher over a traffic light accidentally borrows money from some paper napkin of a diskette.
A bowling ball daydreams, because a power drill eats the maelstrom about another polygon.
Another highly paid spider buries the college-educated line dancer.
For example, the mitochondrial fraction indicates that a vaporized nation is a big fan of a stovepipe for a dolphin.”

Yeah, weird.

DSL went out today.
I got home from work and spent 2+ hours on the phone with a very cool Verizon rep
(I owe u a brewski, dude)
before connectivity was finally restored.
Must have been something I did  (yeah, right)
Planned on getting some blog stuff done tonight but . . .
I’m connected and my daughters are happy.
When the daughters are happy, I’m happy.
I’m going to bed now.
A curled up ethernet cable looks oddly enough like a grey turd, don’t it?
:mrgreen: