Malarky Monday is HERE!

AND HERE!

AND HERE!

AND HERE!

You know the drill by now.
Watch, read, listen and [hopefully] LAUGH!
Visit the above links after your visit here and be sure to have some
paper towels to wipe off your computer monitor.

I originally intended to go all political this week but have decided against it.
I'm not wussing out, I just hate listening to a certain faction of people whine incessantly
about the small stuff, okay?
That said, here are some pics that had me howling at the mOOn, so to speak.
Happy Malarky Monday peeples!!!
Be sure to click on the linx above after your visit here.
Danke . . .

Hopefully, you've heard or seen Chris Farley,
the motivational speaker
from Saturday Night Live.
Saw this and busted two guts . . .

This geographical phenomenon has always bugged me as well.

My God, I hated my 8th grade English teacher.
She had legs that belonged on a Grand piano and no tits whatsoever.
No wonder I never got a hankering for Raymond Carver.
Bummer.
Thanks for nothing, Nancy . . .

Last but not least, I am chillin' out
wit my gnomies . . .

Happy Malarky Monday!!!!

Welcome to Malarky Monday!
If you haven't been here, done that and bought the t-shirt
we take the first day of the week to see if we can get you to one simple thing:
Smile!
It's silly but we are having a hell of a time doing it.
This is our 'Silver Anniversary' week.
25 posts!
Be sure to visit my fellows in hijinx from the land of Oz after your brief visit here.

*Moe
*Morky
*Dilligaf

Thought I would bring back my little kitty friend from several weeks ago.
This time he's had a bit too much catnip.
Seems he really likes the stuff.

And never, EVER, trust a kangaroo.
the sneaky, bloody bastards . . . 

Don't leave home without these . . .
(wtf?)
Makes anything into a sandwich, huh?
Too bad they don't have pumpernickel . . .

Last but not least . . .
Have you been to the movies lately?
Mmmm . . .  yeah, I thought so.

Happy Malarky Monday folks!
Be sure to visit my whacky friends!

I run into many interesting people during the course of my day in Boston.
This morning a customer took me by surprise with a true story that was just too damn funny not to share. I am not making this up folks.
May not be suitable for reading the kids before bed either.
I made mention of the fact that I had made chili on Wednesday when BLH said, “I gotta good chili story for ya.”

In the (somewhat) paraphrased words of BLH:

“This was several years ago when I was living next to two gay guys.
Great guys, too.
They did their thing, I did mine, ya know?
Live and let live, I say.
Anyway, my kitchen window looked right into theirs as it was less than 15 feet away.
So this one summer day, I’m making chili.
Beautiful day, windows open, music on and I’m chopping up onions and garlic and Habanero peppers for my chili.
I leave the kitchen for a minute to go and take a piss and resume my cooking.
It’s not even 2 minutes later that  ‘Mr. Willy’ starts to heat up.
Like really heating up.
I look at the Habanero peppers now nicely chopped and look down at my crotch and think, “Dear God, no.”
Within 5 minutes, I realize that ‘Mr. Willy’ needs some serious medical attention.
This is getting painful.
And really hot.
I get a facecloth, soak it in cold water and drop my pants right there in the middle of the kitchen.
It didn’t take long to realize that all the wet facecloth did was move all the hot stuff down to my
two soon-to-be ‘Hot Mexican jumping beans’.
I was in too much pain and making too many oohs and ahhs to realize that I was also gathering something of an audience 15 feet across the way.
With my crotch turning into a smoking Mojave desert, I was getting desperate.
(Is that steam?)
Christ, I’m on fire down there!
I suddenly remembered buying a big container of sour cream for the chili and
waddled like a penguin over to the fridge.
I ripped open the container like a madman, took a fistful of the cool white stuff
and began rubbing it in gobs into the raging fire down below.
My oohs, ahhs and general sounds of relief were obviously misinterpreted by my now smiling neighbors across the way.
There I am with my pants down, breathing heavy, and sour cream smeared all over my crotch.
Beautiful.
A proud Kodak moment for me, ya know?
I’m close to my mother so I told her the story, and man, did she laugh.
Two weeks later, I’m out to breakfast with her at a place she frequently goes.
The waitress brings my breakfast of fried eggs, home fries and bacon
but on the side of the plate is a small tub of sour cream.
I asked the waitress, “What’s up with the sour cream?”
She winked and said, “Your mother says you really like it.”
(I am laughing hysterically now)
You’ll be thinking about this every time you make chili now, right?”

Yeah, BLH, you are sooo right.
Was it a funny Thursday morning for me?
You betcha schweet bippie.
Thanks for a great tale, BLH
You have total attribution.
I just hope I did you some justice.
(BLH’s version is much funnier but has a different rating)
Hopefully ’Mr. Willy’ has found some cooler climes by now.
And, BLH, I hope you were using low-fat sour cream.
That regular stuff is just plain nasty . . .

Malarky Monday =
the one day of the week me and my blogging freaks/friends try and make you
laugh, spit, giggle and hopefully pass a bit of coffee out your nose.
Actually, all we really want is a smile.
You are not done until you visit my fellows in hijinx.
Links will follow!
This week I have some favorite clips.
They're not long but damn they're funny.
If you have some YouTube stuff or some zany webpage that you think I haven't seen, email me
and I will put your name in lights.
(*translation, you will get some linky-love, or a mention if you don't have a blog)

First up, a product infomercial gone horribly wrong.
Epic FAIL!

I hate used car salesmen so I really enjoyed this clip.
Almost too much.

Last up, a short vid from 'The Kids in the Hall', a comedy show years ahead of its time.
Sadly defunct now.
This video deals with the abuse of a particular word in the workplace.
A classic, tbs (to be sure)
I ascertained the fact that you should watch this . . .

Now, go and visit my fellow hucksters!
And get more coffee!
They won't disappoint.
I promise.
HaPpY MaLaRkY MoNdAy!

Moe
Mark
Dilligaf

Welcome to Malarky Monday the one day of the week we try to
make you smile, spit and spew milk (or coffee) out of your nose.
Come on, you know you love it!
I only had two comments last week and I'm not happy.
So, this week I'm all about clowns.
Not scary 'Stephen King-like' clowns.
Damn right funny clowns.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny . . .
A few short videos and I am outta here!
Enjoy and please visit my fellows in hijinx afterwards.

Please visit:

Moe
Morky
Dilligaf

Happy Malarky Monday!

Monday rolls around way too quick these days.
Where did the week go?
Poof.
That's where.
Welcome to Malarky Monday!
This is the day of the week that a group of us (teh blogocracy) tries
to get you to giggle, spit, put a smile on your face or all three.
After reading my post, please visit my fellow cohorts for more Monday Mayhem.
This is 'crazy shit' week for me.
A potpourri of oddness and funky humor.
Sorry in advance about the f-bombs

There is nothing funnier than a cat wearing red sox.
Oh, wait a minute.
There is . . .

This is pretty much self explanatory but funny nonetheless.
Illegal downloading is a problem these days.
Still trying to download an English Bull Terrier . . .

Is this cat's name Rocky?

And in closing a footnote to our wonderful government
(currently buried in 2ft of snow. cool, huh?)
((screw 'em, they deserve it))

Now please visit my MM blogging buds!

Moe
Morky
Dilligaf

I’m not sure how or exactly when it happened but I am obsessed with the TV show ‘Supernatural’.
If you like funky horror, blood, violence and humor this show is the perfect alchemy.
I blame my daughters Sarah and Jenna for teasing me with owning all 4 of the full season DVD’s.
Whenever one of them is watching an episode they know I will inevitably sit down and watch.
Yeah, I am a sucka.
If you’ve seen my Facebook you already know of my unbridled love for Dean (Jensen Ackles).
As a happy and fully functional heterosexual male, I feel odd and a bit freakish telling you that.
Yeah, I got a Dean ‘thang’ happening.
By ‘thang’ I mean nothing whatsoever sexually although shock was probably your initial reaction.
Hey, listen . . .
I wouldn’t rub his back down with lavender oil or suck on his toes for a squillion dollars.
Maybe 2.
I just happen to think the man is quintessentially cool.
And if there’s such a thing as reincarnation, please, Dear God, bring me back in his body.
The man does things for a pair of blue jeans that some women lust for.
My daughters will read this post, roll their eyes and say, “Dad’s lost it.”
I think of it like this:
Women will look at another woman and say, “Good God, she’s beautiful!”
As guys, we don’t bat an eye, do we?
If it’s a girlfriend or a wife we understand that she hasn’t turned lesbo, she’s just admiring awesome beauty.
But if a guy happens to comment about the looks of another man (as I have done here) most will give you that ‘gee, you’re really queer, huh?’ stare.
Kind of a double standard there, capice?
Dean Winchester is one fine looking man.
There.
I’ve said it.
And I still love my wife.
And breasts.
And nice bums.
And flat tummies.
Writer’s block can really suck sometimes.
Holy freekin' Moley.
Got salt?
It does a body good . . .

Welcome to Malarky Monday!
This is the one day of the week that 'teh Blogocracy' tries to get you to smile and laugh
your way to work.
We are always looking for a few more crazy bloggers that think they have what it takes
to do one zany post a week.
Do you have what it takes?
Send me an email if you're interested.
More traffic, more fun, more laughs.
This week I had to post something I found years ago on the net.
I laughed myself silly reading this.
It's a review of a very old frozen TV dinner that doesn't turn out too well.
It's gross and disgusting and funny as all hell.
I did NOT write this and give total attribution to Mobius.

The Mexican TV Dinner from Hell!

"Being the poor, jobless, and hungry sap that I am,
I will often resort to eating things that I otherwise would not want to be eating.
Still, there is a point where I draw the line, and on this night, that point was most definitely reached.
It was 12pm and I was hungry.
After scouring the cupboards I found a package of Lipton fettuccini alfredo, but to my dismay we were out of milk, which was needed to make it. So I grabbed this TV dinner out of the back of the freezer.
I cooked it exactly as specified by the back of the box,
but still, this so-called dinner fell far short of my standards for an edible meal.
The first indication that this meal was to be a catastrophe was the fact that it was 98% fat free
(and by my guess, 98% not food)"
[how very right you are.]

"As you can see here, the finished product looked nothing like the well painted plastic food on the cover of the box.
The food is pushed around and cut up a bit from my initial attempt to consume the foul looking concoction.
After careful inspection though, I deemed the food to be unsafe for consumption."
[Unsafe? There's an understatement if ever I heard one.]

"The beans were the first item that I inspected.
Now, It is my understanding that refried beans are not supposed to be crunchy or brittle.
I don't know what Don Miguel is trying to pull here,
but these are obviously not refried beans like the ones on the cover of the box.
The directions said to stir the beans, but these did not stir; they crumbled."
[the beans look like Pepperidge Farm turkey stuffing!]

"The Spanish rice was probably the closest thing to food in the meal, but like the beans, it was totally dried out.
It was all clumped together as well. In fact, it was more of a rice cake than just plain rice.
Another thing I noticed was the fact that the rice on the box had diced peppers in it,
but there were none in my rice that I could find."
[Maybe you could use the rice cluster as a pendant?]

"The main entree was by far the scariest part of the dinner tray.
The so-called chicken enchiladas contained little if any chicken,
and were primarily filled with a strange mucous-like substance, which I was unable to identify.
The corn tortilla it was wrapped in was soggy on the bottom and crunchy on the top.
The cheese and sauce had mostly boiled into a hard mass around the edge of the container."
[Anatomy & Physiology 1 here I come!]

"And just what the fuck is this supposed to be?"
[No comment. Uhh, a nasty snail?]

"I certainly wasn't going to eat this crap, but still, I couldn't let it go to waste could I?
After all, there are plenty of starving children in Zimbabwe that would kill for a feast like this.
So, I did the next best thing to shipping it off to some third world country--- I fed it to my dog."
[Lucky doggie!]

"Now that's one happy pooch!"
[not so fast Mobius!]

Happy Malarky Monday folks!
Please visit 'teh Blogocracy' and make your Malarky Monday complete!

Moe (awesome!)
Morky (filthy and awesome!)
Dilligaf (filthy, awesome and always bloody outrageous!)

Once again it is Malarky Monday and a chance to make you laugh and giggle.
If you don't smile once, I will refund your visit (although I'm not sure how)
For those of you following me on Facebook, click the links below! (and visit my mentally unstable fellows!)
This week is a collage of pics (some I edited) that I simply loved and made me laugh.
First up:

Poor Little Keeton
kitty loves Borat . . .

Way Too Much MSG . . .
Scorpion Bowls, too

Ever heard the phrase,
"I've never gone to bed with an ugly woman but I've woken up with a few"?
Screw the condoms, remember to bring your Postit notes.
At least you'll remember her name in the morning.
(approx weight. opt)

Last but not least, some software that never quite made it to the market.
Or MY computer . . .

Please visit my fellow COHORTS!
More laughs, more fun, more hijinx, more Malarky Monday!
Hooroo! (buh-bye Australian-style)

Moe
Morky
Dilligaf

It's Malarky Monday once again folks!
Our chance to take you on a one way trip to Chucklesville.
Everyone needs a laugh to start the week so why not start here?

Budweiser launched a line of commercials called 'Real Men of Genius' several years ago.
While most are funny, some are just over the top.
God Bless the tubesteak . . .

Some sports teams are blessed with announcers that are true blue fans as well.
Such is the case with Johnny Most and the Boston Celtics of days gone by.
Back in the early '80's you would turn off the TV and listen to Most announcing
the games on the radio.
He was so biased and uber-pro-Celtics that it was more often than not hysterical.
Any foul by the opposing team was taken personally and ridicule of
the nasty visiting team was normal and quite expected.
This short clip is classic Johnny Most.
Enjoy.

I thought I'd heard (and seen) it all until today.
Cheese Racing  <--click there!

From the internet:
"The sport of cheese racing began in 1997 when a group of friends put individually-wrapped cheese slices onto a barbecue grill to see what would happen.
To their surprise, the plastic did not melt or burn.
But the cheese expanded, turning the objects into inflated pillows!
The object of cheese racing is to see whose slice reaches full inflation first."

I'm thinking these suckers would be pretty awesome on some nice crusty bread with
a generous slather of vegemite.
(What do you think, Morky?)

So there you have it.
Malarky Monday is here.
However, it's not complete until you visit my crazed accomplices.
You never know what will greet you at the destination of the next link.
Go for it!
Please visit:

Moe
Morky
and
Dilligaf