“Reality continues to ruin my life.” ~Calvin

Sometimes graffiti can be thought provoking, frighteningly beautiful and sometimes even deeply disturbing.
I found this site the other night and wanted to share it here.
I split the post so it wouldn’t take up 3/4 of the front page.
Click ‘continue reading’ to see some wonderful stuff.

~m

Read the whole story »

“On a traffic light yellow means yield, and green means go.
On a banana, it’s just the opposite, yellow means go ahead, green means stop, and red means, where’d you get that banana?”
~Mitch Hedberg

(And 81 other wicked cool things to say to people that really cheese you off)

They did leave out my favorite Dirty Harry line (to a hideous barfly trying to score) -
“I only do it with humans.”
A few laughs on me…
And yes, I’ve been known to use a few of these.

1. I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.
2. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
3. Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
4. When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.
5. My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
6. All things being equal, you lose.
7. If you’re feeling good, don’t worry. You’ll get over it.
8. I can only please one person each day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.
9. Smile… Tomorrow will be worse.
10. It’s been lovely, but I have to scream now.
11. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
12. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
13. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
14. Thank you for not annoying me more than you do.
15. Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
16. If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
17. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.
18. If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
19. A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
20. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
21. I need not suffer in silence when I can still moan, whimper, and complain.
22. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
23. Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
24. Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
25. I’m extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
26. I’d like to help you out; which way did you come in?
27. How can I miss you if you won’t go away?
28. I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. This wasn’t it.
29. From the moment I picked your book up to the moment I set it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend to read it.
30. I don’t care who you are, what you drive, or where you’d rather be.
31. I’m not cynical. I’m just experienced.
32. I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
33. I can’t complain, but sometimes I still do.
34. Don’t hate yourself in the morning. Sleep till noon.
35. It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail in the process.
36. You may pretend to dislike me, but deep down, you know you hate me.
37. Well aren’t you a waste of two billion years of evolution.
38. You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.
39. Well this day was a total waste of make-up.
40. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
41. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
42. I’m not your type; I’m not inflatable.
43. Well aren’t we a bloody ray of sunshine.
44. Don’t worry. I forgot your name too.
45. Aww, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
46. You look like shit. Is that in style now?
47. Wait… I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
48. I don’t have an attitude problem, it’s supposed to be this way.
49. It’s not that I’m antisocial, I’m just not friendly.
50. Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you’re interrupting.
51. I’m sorry, do I resemble your therapist?
52. I think someone has to be listening to you for it to be an actual conversation.
53. I don’t care where you go, as long as you get lost.
54. It is just you.
55. I heard you, and so what if the world’s ending at noon today, I can’t chat with you until tomorrow.
56. I don’t have an attitude; I have a personality you can’t handle.
57. I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
58. You laugh because I’m different; I laugh because you’re all the same.
59. If I throw a stick, will you go away?
60. I didn’t know regurgitated spam could talk.
61. If brains were dynamite you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.”
62. If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
63. A mind is a terrible thing to waste; I’m glad they didn’t waste one on you.
64. Next time you get the urge to think…don’t.
65. I’m not antisocial. I just don’t like people.
66. Would you kindly shut your noise hole.
67. You have no idea how acutely depressing it is to realize we’re from the same species.
68. “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit” as said by those incapable of its proper application and as such suffer from it a lot.
69. It’s not that I wish any harm to the guy, I’m just saying I could happily sit by while someone knocks his head off.
70. It’s people like you who make the Internet all but impossible to trust.
71. Next time you wave, use all your fingers.
72. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
73. Well, I was nearly killed three times, fell off a bridge and broke my jaw. How was your day?
74. On your way down the banister of life, may your ass collect tons of splinters.
75. Are you renting the space in your head? It could be profitable.
76. I’m sorry.. Am I poking holes in your self-esteem bucket?
77. Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable…like a coma.
78. If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
79. I wonder what life would have been like if you had had enough oxygen at birth.
80. Whatever it is that’s eating you, it must be suffering horribly.

Beautiful.
I’m now sufficiently armed and loaded.

~m

“All writing is a process of elimination.”
–Martha Albrand

Another gem from Jade Walker

~m

“If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would suffice.”

~Meister Eckhart

Happy Thanksgiving!
I’ll be cooking up a storm tomorrow night so I doubt I’ll be blogging.
I pray everyone stays safe, has a nice place to go and someone to share some turkey with (don’t skimp on the damn gravy either).
Sad to think that some people don’t. . .
Please say a prayer before you eat for those that have much less than you.
We are all so blessed sometimes and we just don’t realize it.
I have a 20lb Butterball in the fridge to prove it.
On Thursday, I will thank the Lord above for all you readers that continue to visit me and pray that by evening my stomach doesn’t spontaneously combust.
You rock tryptophan.
And I hope your favorite team wins. . .
And your gravy isn’t lumpy (well, maybe a little bit)
Any questions about your turkey, click on the BB logo below.
I’ll see you on Friday.

~m

10.24.2006 was the last time I wrote anything in my journal.

I have written since but not there.
It’s my first day back at work after a week or so off.
I feel far, far away from rested and rejuvenated.

My week off didn’t find me on some tropical island sipping a drink with an umbrella. Instead, it found me getting a much needed oil change for my truck, raking the ‘goddamned perpetually falling’ leaves, stocking my cellar with @ 2 tons of anthracite coal, attending my daughter’s soccer games, reading a dear friend’s manuscript
(which I will refuse to destroy because once she’s rich and famous I can hawk this thing on Ebay for God knows how much money)
(yes, I’m kidding AMR) ; things I can never seem to find the time to do when I’m working.

I hear you asking,” Was it at least a bit restful?”

I guess so.
I did do some napping.
Does anyone else enjoy napping in the middle of the day as much as I do?
I could care less what’s happening on the outside.
Just let me sleep.
I so loooove naps.
Always have, always will.

I’ve often thought that if I could be a cartoon character, I’d be Dagwood of the ‘Blondie and Dagwood’ comic strip.

Look, the guy loves huge, extravagant sandwiches at midnight, naps whenever he thinks he can get away with it and he’s married to a serious looking blonde with a totally killer body. Hell, she hasn’t changed in like….20 years; must be the aerobics or something.

Dagwood rocks, but Blondie totally rules.

I’ve heard it said, ‘No vacation goes unpunished’ – this wasn’t a vacation so I’m not sure what to expect today.

The weather perfectly frames my state of mind; London-like, misty, rainy, dismal.

There I go again, setting myself up.

The train is suddenly moving and my life is in motion.

I am once again back on the merry-go-round. . .

~m

“In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person’s becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American…There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn’t an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag… We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language… and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.”

~Theodore Roosevelt 1907

Got the above in an email last week, verified the information and posted it.
I love the quote because of its honesty and total specificity.
You rock, cowboy.

~m

“Writers seldom write the things they think.
They simply write the things they think other folks think they think.”
~Elbert Hubbard

Another great quote from the notepad of Jade Walker

~m

I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle.
I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much.

~Mother Theresa

This is without a doubt one of my favorite quotes.
I use it often and live it daily.

~m