10 Things

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memory, dying, stupid stuff, head exploding

 

Ten things (11) I will not think about in My Last Seconds of Life

I have thought about this for a few days now and believe I have come up with a viable, albeit weird, list of 10 things.
These have occurred randomly as I go about my day but I think it’s a pretty good list.
These are in no specific order in terms of magnitude but they are somewhat funny and insightful.

I will not think about:

(1) The guitar solo in ‘Keep on Lovin’ You’ from REO Speedwagon (dumb name).
This is quite possibly the lamest and out of tune solo I have ever heard.
I can’t believe the producer didn’t say,
“Are you shitting me, Amato? I’d rather hear the sound of a puppy being run over with a lawn mower. For the love of God, tune your frickin’ guitar, dickboy. And how about a real solo? ”

(2) The fact that my car is 3K miles over for an oil change.
The story of my life.
And it keeps telling me via a caring message on the dashboard every single time I start the car.
*Sigh*

(3) Iambic Pentameter.
Iambic pentameter (from Greek: ἰαμβικός πεντάμετρος meaning to have five iambs) is a commonly used metrical line in traditional verse and verse drama. The term describes the particular rhythm that the words establish in that line. That rhythm is measured in small groups of syllables; these small groups of syllables are called “feet“. The word “iambic” describes the type of foot that is used (in English, an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable). The word “pentameter” indicates that a line has five of these “feet.”
Yeah.
Won’t be needing that definition anymore.

(4) Dance Moms.
I know, it’s sad that I actually know about this show.
Abby Lee Miller, the corpulent porpoise of a dance instructor, verbally hacks away at the fragile self-esteem of young female ‘born with a silver spoon in their mouths’ dancers.
The self-righteous mothers of these girls need to be water boarded for allowing this abomination to happen in the first place.
Think I’m pretty clear on this one.

(5) Who really killed JFK.
Nuff said.

(6) Politics.
Like the time I sent out an off the hook ‘conservative’ email to about 75 people.
It found its way into the Inbox of a screaming yahoo liberal (not mentioning names, thanks, Lisa)
who decided to hit a ‘reply all’ and rip me a new one because she thought it was her responsibility as a citizen. Yup, won’t be thinking about that one.

(7) Where I left the numbers for my Swiss bank account.

(8) The day I gave my father an enema.
In the end (no pun intended), my father was actually laughing while I was doing it.
Long story short, he needed a colonoscopy and I could find no visiting nurse that would do it the day of the procedure.
I was elected.

(9) Long forgotten Facebook game requests.
No explanation needed.
(10) Lost things.
St. Anthony, St. Anthony, please come down
something is lost and can’t be found.
Our Wedding album, a pipe rack filled with nice smoking pipes, my Swiss bank account numbers,
my six-pack abs, my sanity . . .

(11) Mayonnaise.
I know.
Weird.
Maybe that’s why this list goes to 11.

For fun, sit down with a piece of paper and give yourself 10 minutes to write out a list.
I would be curious to see what you come up with.
Post your answers on my Facebook page or my blog if you’d like.
This was a great writing prompt.

AND . . .  check THIS out.
Pretty cerebral . . .

 

 

 

Strange days are totally Googlable

deep thought, Food, Funny, hope, Humor, Internet, Just For Fun, Kids, Life, Or not, Video, weird No Comments »

Google, post card, weird news

With hundreds of red-winged blackbirds falling dead out of the sky in Louisiana,
more tornadoes than the NOAA can count,
earthquakes the magnitudes of which the world has never seen,
tropical cyclones that can only be classified as deadly and a massive oil spill that was the worst
environmental disaster of all time, I thought it was high time for some good news.
Some funny news.
Maybe even some fake and made up news.
Anything but the bullshit the media gives us.
Just scanning the web I found a number of interesting stories.
Thank you Google.

Like THIS one.
Heartwarming and true.

Or THIS one.
Not so heartwarming but probably true.

Or THIS one.
Not heartwarming at all but damn funny in a very dark and Pan’s Labyrinth kind of way.

There, you feel better already, yes?
And no, I am not getting up at 3AM to watch the Royal Wedding.
I need my beauty sleep, for God’s sake . . .

~m

Darkroom

Angels, blues, chances, dark, Dreams, God, Life, Old Days, Or not, Personal, Poetry, Sacred, Sad, storms, the Cosmos, Truth, weird, writing 8 Comments »

the echoes of goodbye,
cross a yawning chasm of fog and thought
find me sitting in this Darkroom,
the pictures of my life, languid and swirling above me

familiar fingers of blacklight penetrate me,
violating my inner walls of thought,
a fortress once impervious yet fragile, yes, once like me

galaxies of sotto voce secrets, skeletons in my locked closet
seem to drip like candle wax from the hanging pictures
the memories of my sweet by and by
they were prints I lost so damn long ago
souvenirs, as lost as I

this Darkroom embraces its secrets,
never letting go of the subtleties of the ‘why’
some things just simply refuse to let go of me
like the distant echoes of goodbye . . .

~m

*repost of a  dark angel

Truth

amazing, fuck this, hero, Life, not funny, Or not, Personal, Politics, Rants, Truth 2 Comments »

Kinda hard for me to believe this guy did ‘Cat Scratch Fever’ in 77.
I didn’t listen to him then but I’m sure as hell listening to him now.
This blew me away.
Gun control for the masses.
Every single goddamned day another constitutional right gets thrown in the
shitter by these bureaucratic boneheads.
Republican & Democrat.
How do you spell bullshit?
I love Nugent in this interview.
Rock on, dude, rock on

Between the Sheets

Creative, Deadly wind, Humor, Imagine, Internet, Just For Fun, Or not, technology, weird 10 Comments »

I’ve been thinking about starting a website called Shitter that’s based on Twitter.
It’s all about sharing information.
The gist of it is that you update your status from the can.
It would be all text because you just don’t bring a laptop into the bathroom.
A sleek mobile application called ‘Poopdeck’ would be nice though.
When someone enters the ‘deck’ you would hear a toilet flush
and when someone ‘sheets’ . . .  well, you get the idea.
There’s an endless list of apps that would work as well:
Shitteroo (for the folks in Australia), SweetShit, ShitStain,
ShitHead, HolyShit, Shiterator, Shits Like Me, TopSheet,

Shubble (used in times of gastrointestinal distress), Sheetburner, Loud Sheeter, ShitterMeThis, SheetShots, ShitKit, Shitbook, ShitterPhone, ToughShit
and Shwapper (can’t figure out what I’d use that for but I know I’d need it eventually)
There would be funny sheets, nasty sheets, bad sheets and sexy sheets.
Maybe even badly needed sheets after a Saturday night out on the town
getting wrecked. Beer-induced sheets and painful sheets, Shitter would have it all.
My favorite app would be GeoShit, a cool tracking program that tells you
where you left your last sheet.
The truth of the matter is that some very deep thinking is done when you’re
steaming one through the hoop and that needs to be addressed.
Problem is that someone already owns the URL. Truth.
Guess it’s back to the drawing board for me to check out some new shit . . .

Twitter God

amazing, Angels, chances, Cool Sites, Creative, dark, Dreams, Friends, God, hope, Internet, Life, Or not, Personal, Sacred, Sad, Truth, writers 4 Comments »

I follow many people on Twitter and one of them is the writer Jonathan Carroll.
Although most of his tweets are of quotes and interesting life observations he
occasionally will post a link to a website he’s found that interests him.
Being a big JC fan I inevitably follow his links.
I consider Carroll to be an incredibly creative man and am usually glad I clicked on
one of his recommended links.
Today was no exception and this site has stayed with me all day.
Click on the picture above to visit a site called ‘Dear God’.
As Carroll says in his Twitter, he doesn’t know if the site is interesting or creepy.
I found it to be much more than that, personally.
Follow Carroll on Twitter.
He is an amazing man.
Maybe he uses Stumbleupon to find these sites but I am forever entertained and enlightened.
This site is a bit intense.
Forearmed is forwarned.

Cool

comedians, Creative, Humor, Life, Obama, Or not, Politics, Stars, The Usual Suspects, Video 3 Comments »

Fred Armisen can out-Barack, Barack.
I thought this was actually quite funny considering Obama is a bigger rock star
than the pretentious Bono of U2 will ever be.
Short clip but funny as all hell.
Yes, Obama is the quintessential King of Cool.
The jury is out as to whether that’s actually cool or not . . .
Hit me up a year from today.

booK of liarS

Angels, blues, dark, God, Insomnia, Mondays, Old Days, Or not, Personal, prayer, Sad, Sleep, teeth, Ugly 6 Comments »

I close my eyes
trying to dream of something better than this
anything true, a slightly bruised honesty would do
Maybe it’s because nothing feels safe anymore

So I close my eyes
and dream of distant Norwegian lilies
of beautiful and colourful things, the slumbering truths of my past
Although nights of black rain are making it so hard to sleep

But I close my eyes
And dream of opening them to the tragedy of a bleeding truth;
that life is never quite what it appears to be
to these sad and sleepy eyes of mine
And that innocence can only be found caught between the teeth of angels . . .

Dancing Queen?

Creative, dancing, hot, Humor, Internet, Ipod, Music, Or not, sexy, Video, women, YouTube 3 Comments »

This is the latest web/ YouTube sensation called Miranda.
Is she a Dancing Queen?
A singing sensation?
Maybe not on this planet.
Either way, she rocks my world.
Kinda.
I gotta talk to her about how she applies her lipstick though.
Maybe she needs to be in one of those Little Caesar pizza commercials . . .

Crazy Fruit

Creative, Far Side, Humor, Internet, Jokes, Just For Fun, Just Pictures, Or not, Personal, sexy, teeth, Toys, Truth, wishes, women 5 Comments »

Gotta love a big banana.
You ladies do, right?
Hey, he’s got appeal.
Good and innocent carbs, low fat too.
But I gotta say that is one sick goddamn banana  . . .

{tanks, Gerry . . . 00Ps!}

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