Smoke and Mirrors

In a perfect world . . .

Category: Mondays (page 1 of 5)

Goodbye Facebook

facebook, social network, internet, friends

With each new year there are decisions that need to be made.
And I have thought long and hard about this one.
I have decided that I am saying my final goodbye to Facebook.
It’s not that I don’t like it or have security issues regarding weirdos that follow me wanting my social security number or my sexual preference to animals vs people.
It eats such a shitload of my time that I hardly write anymore.
Facebook makes me write fluff, meaningless shit that friends will undoubtedly comment on.
And I have loved that, please don’t get me wrong.
Videos, jokes and funny pictures are great but in the scheme of things the site is killing my creative life.
I love my friends (all of you that follow me) but it’s time for me to go.
There’s stuff on the 2012 agenda that will never get done as long as I keep dragging my sorry ass on Facebook.
I felt that there should be some kind of explanation before I hit that always dreaded ‘deactivate’ button.
With Facebook, Google +, Twitter and Linkedin, I am about ready to shit a social network all by myself.
My FB deactivation should happen sometime next week.
There will be no more posts from me on Facebook after this.
Sorry . . .  {some of you may even be breathing a sigh of relief}
Anyone that is the least bit concerned about my whereabouts should bookmark my blog.
If you want to contact me, you know where I am, folks.
FaceBooking has been a real blast but it’s time for me to hit the books, so to speak.
To all my friends, know that you will always be a part of my life just not on Facebook.
Feel free to drop me a line or visit my blog when you’re surfing the web.
Writer’s write and this writer is too damn far from doing anything remotely close to writing.
Be safe, be well and be happy my friends.
Stop by and see me at Smoke and Mirrors
Until then . . .


Strange days are these (updated)

As uncomfortable as this picture makes me feel
THIS makes me feel even more uncomfortable.
And it gets more uncomfortable as the days grow long reading about people
that think they deserve equality and justice.
Will we ever wake up and smell the coffee?
When will we finally call a spade a spade?
From the leviathan Gulf oil spill and Mexican border breaches to the ever-simmering clusterfuck in the Middle East,
I feel doomed somedays, for so many reasons.
Just like today.
Maybe we just haven’t found the answers . . .
Got testicles?


***I changed the post picture for the mental stability of my wife

Malarky Monday 25.3

Welcome to Malarky Monday!
I’m  hoping you get the idea by now.
After visiting here, click the links to the Malarky Monday gang and laugh your pants off!

This week is all about annoying things.
I’ve dealt with many lately so this post seemed natural in the overall scheme of things.

Yeah, fruit can be annoying.
And be annoyed . . .

There’s nothing more annoying than being chased by a 10-point buck loaded
with heat-seeking missiles.
I love .gif images . . .

Cell phones?
Especially when playing ‘You oughta know’
by Alanis Morissette.
God, she’s annoying . . .

Finally, there is nothing more annoying than
a woman that badly needs some mustache wax.
Her husband looks like he’s going to get his ass kicked when they get home.
Click on the picture to go to the website . . .

Now off you go!

& Happy Malarky Monday!

Malarky Monday 21

Welcome to Malarky Monday!
This is the one day of the week that ‘teh Blogocracy‘ tries to get you to smile and laugh
your way to work.
We are always looking for a few more crazy bloggers that think they have what it takes
to do one zany post a week.
Do you have what it takes?
Send me an email if you’re interested.
More traffic, more fun, more laughs.
This week I had to post something I found years ago on the net.
I laughed myself silly reading this.
It’s a review of a very old frozen TV dinner that doesn’t turn out too well.
It’s gross and disgusting and funny as all hell.
I did NOT write this and give total attribution to Mobius.

The Mexican TV Dinner from Hell!


“Being the poor, jobless, and hungry sap that I am,
I will often resort to eating things that I otherwise would not want to be eating.
Still, there is a point where I draw the line, and on this night, that point was most definitely reached.
It was 12pm and I was hungry.
After scouring the cupboards I found a package of Lipton fettuccini alfredo, but to my dismay we were out of milk, which was needed to make it. So I grabbed this TV dinner out of the back of the freezer.
I cooked it exactly as specified by the back of the box,
but still, this so-called dinner fell far short of my standards for an edible meal.
The first indication that this meal was to be a catastrophe was the fact that it was 98% fat free
(and by my guess, 98% not food)”
[how very right you are.]

“As you can see here, the finished product looked nothing like the well painted plastic food on the cover of the box.
The food is pushed around and cut up a bit from my initial attempt to consume the foul looking concoction.
After careful inspection though, I deemed the food to be unsafe for consumption.”
[Unsafe? There’s an understatement if ever I heard one.]



“The beans were the first item that I inspected.
Now, It is my understanding that refried beans are not supposed to be crunchy or brittle.
I don’t know what Don Miguel is trying to pull here,
but these are obviously not refried beans like the ones on the cover of the box.
The directions said to stir the beans, but these did not stir; they crumbled.”
[the beans look like Pepperidge Farm turkey stuffing!]

“The Spanish rice was probably the closest thing to food in the meal, but like the beans, it was totally dried out.
It was all clumped together as well. In fact, it was more of a rice cake than just plain rice.
Another thing I noticed was the fact that the rice on the box had diced peppers in it,
but there were none in my rice that I could find.”

[Maybe you could use the rice cluster as a pendant?]


“The main entree was by far the scariest part of the dinner tray.
The so-called chicken enchiladas contained little if any chicken,
and were primarily filled with a strange mucous-like substance, which I was unable to identify.
The corn tortilla it was wrapped in was soggy on the bottom and crunchy on the top.
The cheese and sauce had mostly boiled into a hard mass around the edge of the container.”
[Anatomy & Physiology 1 here I come!]


“And just what the fuck is this supposed to be?”
[No comment. Uhh, a nasty snail?]


“I certainly wasn’t going to eat this crap, but still, I couldn’t let it go to waste could I?
After all, there are plenty of starving children in Zimbabwe that would kill for a feast like this.
So, I did the next best thing to shipping it off to some third world country— I fed it to my dog.”
[Lucky doggie!]


“Now that’s one happy pooch!”
[not so fast Mobius!]



Happy Malarky Monday folks!
Please visit ‘teh Blogocracy’ and make your Malarky Monday complete!

Moe (awesome!)
Morky (filthy and awesome!)
Dilligaf (filthy, awesome and always bloody outrageous!)

Malarky Monday 20

Malarky Monday seems to be coming around quicker and quicker these days.
This is the one day that ‘Teh Blogocracy’
gets together and tries to make you giggle and spit.
We’ve had some real doozies so far so if you’ve yet to jump on the Malarky Monday bandwagon, what the
hell are you waiting for?
It’s a friggin’ hoot!
Bookmark us and come back every Monday for some seriously demented fun.
For me, this Monday’s hijinx is all about the animals and pets.
They make our lives wonderful in so damn many ways.
All they ask in return is that we feed them now and again.
Here’s to whacky world of our beloved animals . . .


Good doggie . . .
(now that’s a trick to teach a dog!)


Bad doggie . . .
(when life gives you lemons, plant a flower and go on a canine diet!  Jesus Krispies!)

Good cat.
(Will somebody please give this totally awesome fatcat a can of  beer and a cigar?)
((I Love this cat! He’s a furry-beer-bellied feline version of me!!!!!))


Bad LOL Cats . . . 
(could be Mafia-related)
((These guys mean business))


Move on and visit ‘Teh Blogocracy’
The Godfather says so!






Malarky Monday 12

This week it’s all about jpegs.
Jpeg Mania, if you will.
Welcome to another Malarky Monday where we all get a chance to tickle your funny bone
and expand your views of the wonders of the internet.
For me, it’s about pictures this week.

The opposite of fast food:

fast food, cheeseburgers

A sad and horrible truth:

gas guzzler, Pepsi, Shell

The truth about abduction:

aliens, abduction, UFO's

A truth you never want to stumble upon in the old box of VCR tapes:
*you never looked at Uncle Bill quite the same way after seeing him in a Catwoman costume)

sex, funny

And last but not least, speaking of StumbleUpon . . .
This little gem was sent to me by Moe as she knows and understands my total addiction and love of SU.
It’s always just one more click . . .

StumbleUpon, internet

Please visit my fellow compadres of all things funny, weird and wonderful!!!!!




Gem *will she or won’t she?   :mrgreen:

And don’t forget about the CONTEST!
Comment often!

Comment Contest?

. . .  without a comment!

I’ve added a ‘Top Comment’ widget to my sidebar to get an idea as to who
comments the most.
There were no surprises (Maureen) but I thought it was interesting at the very least.
I’m thinking about a contest though . . .
Most comments at years end for the top 3 visitors will garner you a prize.
Right now I’m thinking about something with my URL on it (a t-shirt, kitchen magnet, bumper sticker, coffee mug)
Maybe a favorite book of mine that I could ‘dedicate’ to the individual winners.
Or I do have a collection of vintage postcards which I could send hand-written messages to
the three winners. (maybe all three prizes!)
Something to shoot for?
Your call.
That said, please comment.
As much as you can.
Give yourself a winning chance.
Get yourself into the top 12 (if you’re not already there) and who knows?
Yeah, I love traffic almost as much as I like comments.
Can you tell?
And it looks like I may have New Years Eve off this year from gigging (first one in 30 years)
Could be fun to post the winners at midnight as the ball drops . . .

ps. those of you that don’t have a gravatar (image next to your name)
go to and set up an account.
It’s free, painless and easier than giving blood.
And you can pick your own picture!
Once you’re done, your gravatar appears whenever you post a comment!
Very cool.

Malarkey Monday 10

My vacation week is sadly over but Malarkey Monday is right on schedule.
This week I found a few musical things that made me think and laugh.
Several weeks ago Morky did a MM entry on Postman Pat.
It was brilliant.
For weeks afterward I couldn’t get the frigging song out of my head.
Until a few days ago.
Let me introduce you to ‘Narwhals’ (click here for the narwhal Wiki page)

Bobby McFerrin is a very talented singer/musician that has been around for many years.
Don’t judge him by his ‘Don’t Worry, be Happy’ days.
Not only is he incredibly gifted musically, he can be a lot of fun too.
This video makes me believe that we ultimately all in this thing (called ‘life’) together.
This is McFerrin at the 2009 World Science Festival demonstrating the awesome power of music.
Watch, listen and smile.

Please visit my fellow Malarkers for much more tomfoolery.



Muffy (She’s Back!!!!! Yay!)

Malarkey Monday 9

It is Malarkey Monday once again although I do apologize
for last weeks absence.
The net was on the fritz in Australia and I didn’t sleep a wink the night before making a post
close to impossible.
We are all back on track today.
The following video is a bit longer than I wanted but I assure you it is well worth watching.
Sometimes ‘wordplay’ is all you need for a quick morning smile.
Bollocks! (Bull hooks)   :mrgreen:

A few pictures to round out the mayhem . . .

*One of the 12 steps for your pooch?

Maybe this is Tony Hawk’s Grandma.
Let”s just hope she has a decent health plan, eh?

Please be sure and visit my fellow Malarkers!
There’s always something more to laugh about.
I promise.
Have a brilliant Monday folks!


Malarky Monday 5

It’s Malarky Monday once again.
And off we go . . .

Sometimes it’s all about the dancing.
Check out this 20 year old bird named Frosty.
Personally, I think he needs a pair of Wayfarers 😎

Here’s a hopeful picture

How about a totally useless product?

or one that’s just plain weird
(faith enhancing breath spray?)

Please visit my fellow Malarkers!

Morky &

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