There’s a place for you deep inside my heart, a room filled with wondrous things; beryl blues, setting sky purples, soft sunflower yellows, sherbet orange velvets and vivid reds of every hue, a fractal rainbow complete but yet not fully formed, much like you.
There are a billion brilliant stars waiting to be wished upon, rivers to be crossed, oceans to be discovered and stories to be told, bedtime books to be read.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you; think about what the colour of your eyes will be, the smell of your sweet and beautiful innocence, the sheer weight of you resting softly in the safety of my arms.
You were born in love, a love that transcends time and space but still has an unknown and occasionally untimely schedule to keep.
You may not know it but I’ve already made promises to you, hidden secrets that lay bare on the waiting shelves that line this quiet room, a sacred place that whispers your name from the rising of the sun to its dipping into the distant palette of the waiting horizon.
I close my eyes and dream of the things you might be dreaming of right now.
And oh, dear little one you must dream.
My prayer is that my heart is big enough to hold all of you in it, to be a safe harbour that is always clear on even the stormiest of nights.
My heart sings to you with the softest of lullabies, maybe keeping some of the dissonance of life far away from your waiting ears . . . for now.
I realize that’s an unrealistic hope at best but it’s a hope just the same.
When I finally hold you, I also understand that I will never be the same again.
I can only pray to be better. And somehow that’s okay with me.
As A.A.Milne said, “Sometimes, the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.”
This room is waiting and you are holding the key.
It was a sultry afternoon in early August that I walked onto the West Dennis beach on Cape Cod
with my wife and my twin sister.
We found a section of the beach that felt right and set out our bent and somewhat antedeluvian chairs down into the sun-bleached sand.
There’s something about the ocean that has always made me more introspective than a gothic statue appears to be.
I sat in my chair and took in the surf, seagulls fighting for the sake of a dirty potato chip, children playing while others sculpted the wet sand into unlikely formations; their monsters, their dreams, their deepest wishes.
I turned to my sister and said, I wish I could be 12 again, oh, the things I would do differently.
My sister paused, looked at my wife and back at me and said, but you wouldn’t have Pamela.
I thought for a moment and said, I’d just find her all over again, that’s all.
That’s really sweet, she said.
But that’s the genuine truth of it.
She’s the one thing I could never do differently.
And maybe that’s what love is, finding over and over again the one true heart in your life that has always been there, forever pulsing to the palpable rhythm of an endless surf.
May all your wishes come true.
You are my heart, my soul, my spirit, my everything.
My BFF, my forever love, my forever everything.
My FB tag for 98% of my posts.
After all these 31 years, you’re an honest and true keeper.
And I’m your knight in shining armor.
Always . . .
It was one year ago today that you made a promise, offered up your prayers to Heaven, cried happy tears and
said, “I do.”
One year ago that something wonderful changed in your hearts, your minds, your souls;
something invisible and priceless in the eyes of God and all that witnessed it.
I have such fond memories of that day: Jenna and Hannah’s toast, Aaron and the handsome groomsmen, the gorgeous bridesmaids,
Jonathan and Ken McKenna rocking out on the floor,
the first and last dance, the cigars in the courtyard afterwards with all that blue smoke billowing into the night and
the overall feeling of love that softly draped itself over the entire day.
And then there was the music, oh, the music.
It was the ultimate and unforgettable soundtrack for a new bride and groom – Mr. & Mrs. Jonathan Medeiros.
The past year has had its up and downs.
Stay positive . . . ‘knowing that, in the grand scheme of things, we live in a world where rainy days eventually give way to
sunnier skies.’ –R.L. Keith
That’s to be expected but know how very proud I am that you are standing where you are today.
Pamela will undoubtedly echo much of my sentiment in a comment.
Happy 1st Anniversary to Mr. & Mrs. M.
May the coming year bring you a wealth of happiness, the very best of health and more love than your hearts can hold.
Love to you both.
ps. As far as the video, yes, know that a few lyrics got flubbed.
I say that because I know you guys know the words by heart!
Also, count the number of times I say, ‘um’ 😉
(your mother already has!)
She’s so many things to me and our 3 girls . . .
She’s our best friend.
She’s the shoulder we lean/cry on.
She’s our alarm clock on mornings that we don’t want to get up, on Her we rely on (and mostly bitch at)
She’s the shine in all of our days.
She’s the heart that we’ll never give away.
She’s funny, she’s kind, but she’s technologically super blind . . .
She’s there when we need her, she’s there when we need, and we’ll always need her. She’s our lady.
Happy Birthday to our best friend/confidante/psychologist/ psychiatrist/ and SO much more.
We love you and we want you around forever.
Have an awesome 39th birthday.
See you for Hibachi on Saturday night.
Mucho Sake for the birthday girl!
But open wide for the veggies!
And watch out for the volcano!!!!!!
Life is complicated.
As a parent, it’s even more so having children.
Pamela and I were blessed with three gorgeous, thoughtful, creative and extremely intelligent girls.
When one leaves the nest it’s always time for personal reflection.
Have we taught them enough about life?
Have we shown them what true love looks like?
Have we passed on our wisdom as to why Pamela and I are still married after 30+ years?
Have we done our best to teach them right from wrong?
Have we done our level best to show them our unconditional love?
I truly believe that the answer to all the above is an unequivocal ‘yes’.
Knowing that’s true somehow makes it easier to let go.
But know that I am FAR from letting go.
Jenna leaves this weekend.
She has a beautiful place that she’s moving to and she has a great draughthouse that shows great movies within walking distance.
There’s a great market nearby.
She has more DVD’s than Netflix has movies.
She has books.
God, does she have books.
She has clothes. (no comment)
She has love.
And she also has a man that will keep her safe. [he better]
That makes me happiest of all.
She has an amazing future in store and a good head on her shoulders.
Why should I worry, right?
I’ll be looking at her bedroom door on the way down the stairs every morning to see if she’s left for school.
Her room will be empty now but I’ll still look anyway.
And I’m going to miss her terribly.
I guess that’s what Dad’s do. over and over again.
Love you JMM, you’re the one that always makes me cry at Christmas.
You also burp alot louder than me.
Bitches must like loud burps.
Your true home will always be here at Shore Drive and your heart will forever be inside me and Mom.
Gentle seas, and a safe journey,
until you’re home at last.
And Bitches love home . . .
Back in October my daughter Sarah got married.
I wrote a song for her and her husband for the wedding.
The lyrics were sent to my friend Yvonne Ashworth to be written in calligraphy,
a piece of art to be displayed in the home they were building at the time.
As of July 2013, I had no clue as to lyrics for the song, subject matter, chords, melody, rhythm.
One day in early September when the house was almost done, Pamela and I went to the house to shut
off the outside lights and bring a few light fixtures that the builders needed to install.
Me and Pamela were upstairs checking out the progress of the bedrooms
when Pam looked out one of the front windows and said,
“What a beautiful view! It’s interesting that they met on College Hill (Holy Cross),
they’re getting married at a church on Pakachoag Hill and are living here on this hill. Kinda cool, huh?”
In my head, I heard a creative ‘click’ and immediately knew a starting point for the lyrics.
My creative light bulb was totally illuminated.
The next day at work I wrote the song in my head, lyrics and all. (took 2 hours)
No need for a piano as all this stuff happens/sounds in my head, no lie.
Kind of weird but it’s true.
The lyrics explain the simple story of two people that fell in love.
Not going to explain the lyrics line by line but know that they are all about S&J.
The video above shows the transformation of my words into another art form.
My friend Yvonne went above and beyond.
She has done many exceptional pieces of art for me over the years and this one is right up there with the best of them.
Actually, what am I saying?
They are all amazing!
Check out this priceless video that gives you some insight into the time spent and work involved in
the creation of a piece of art.
I hope that Sarah and Jon listen to this song on a yearly basis and appreciate Yvonne’s precious work.
As a crescent butter moon sets and the soul searing sun of the morning rises into an indigo sky
the days and nights endlessly bleed into one another like so many forgotten dreams
creating one sad and lonely heart, the shattered pane of a window in
an already fragile life that time seems to have forgotten.
the clock strikes ten, he’ll lay in bed and stir
and he will cry for her . . .
62 is a number he used to know but now he’s innocently unaware of its significance
it was a day so long ago, a crystal blue frozen moment in time that is elusive
to a cobwebbed place that once inhabited sweet thoughts, wooden cribs to be built and fighting ships on the oceans of his forever’s but
the clock strikes ten, and then again
he will cry for her . . .
She loves the man, the 62, but she knows she’s only human too
her tired eyes, her daily goodbyes, her love for the man she thought she knew
She goes to bed, rest her weary head, dreaming sunny memories of days gone by,
while never wondering why
she will still cry for him . . .
For H&G . . .