[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa_7P5AbUww]

A link sent to me by the enigmatic Jack Torrs.
Check it out.
It’s absolutely hysterical but a bit long.
Have a bitchin’ weekend everybody.
Go Patriots!

~m

Click on the picture above for a webpage filled with ‘Christmas’ themed links.
Some are more adult than others but make sure to check out ‘Jingle Balls’. Amazing.
Share the links!

~m

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the
pearly gates. “In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you
must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”
Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just
what do those symbolize?”
The man replied, “These are Carols.”

~m

(hats off to my friend Gerry for this one. Yeah, I got some mileage out of it)

I thought this was absolutely brilliant.
We’ve all been victims of the telemarketer whether it’s ‘Viva Las Vegas’, a free this or a free that. It’s a beautiful thing to see someone get their just desserts.
Click on the picture above and sit back and listen.

A trip for one to Vegas: $3000.00

A Satellite System for your home: $2000.00

A telemarketer getting it right up the keester: Priceless. . .

Guess I just felt like sharin’ the love.

~m

I’m late in posting this but decided to post it anyway.
Pretty funny joke from my buddy Zip.

~m
A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big
“everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”

The kid says ” Yeah. I was a salesman for about a month, but that’s all.”

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job.
“You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the
store was locked up, the boss came down.

“How many customers bought something from you today?”

The kid says “one”.

The boss says “Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a
day. How much was the sale for?”

The kid says “$101,237.65″.

The boss says “$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?”

The kid says, “First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a
medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new
fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down
the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to
the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he
said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to
the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”

The boss said “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a
BOAT and a TRUCK?”

The kid said “No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife and I
said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.’”

[googlevideo=http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docId=705422244615515059]

Monkeys + DiveBar + Joke = Most excellent.
Classic.
Enjoy.
~m

[googlevideo=http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docId=6711230629745741582]

Very funny commercial.
For the woman in all of us. . .
Thanks for the tip, GM

~m

An email from the creator of “ManTown” inspired this little post.
Thanks, JB.
Ladies, you will love this.
Short and sweet.
Enjoy. . .
~m

Dear Dad,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and are worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam’s mother and tell her he is okay.
He can’t write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps.
It was neat. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn’t been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Keith got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn’t hear him.

Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?
The wet wood didn’t burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes.
Mathew is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Keith gets the bus fixed. It wasn’t his fault about the wreck.
The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Keith said that with a bus that old you have to expect something to break down; that’s probably why he can’t get insurance.

We think it’s a neat bus. He doesn’t care if we get it dirty, and if it’s hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus.

He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrol man stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Keith is a neat guy. Don’t worry, he is a good driver.
In fact, he is teaching Jessie how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn’t any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Keith wouldn’t let me because I can’t swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake.
It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Keith isn’t crabby like some scoutmasters.
He didn’t even get mad about the life jackets.
He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges.
When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Steven and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Keith said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison.
I’m so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster.
He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time.
By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now.
We are going to town to mail our letters and buy some more beer.
Don’t worry about anything. We are fine.

Love,
Billy

thanks, GM…

Anytime my wife talks about High School and mentions a classmate of hers, their surname always ends in “ski” or “ska” or “czyk“.
I always ask, “Did you go to school with anyone named Smith? or Jones? or Johnson?”
She rolls her eyes because she knows I know the answer.
I found this joke sitting in a lonley abandoned folder and thought
I’d let it see the light of day.
It’s good one.

***************************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters: ‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’
“Can you read this?” the optician asked.
“Read it?” the Polish guy replied, “I know the guy.”

~m

ps. come to think of it, my wife probably went to school with him.