I’ve de-activated my Facebook account because I go there when
I really should be doing other things.
I’m a great one for talking about all my writing goals and how I’m achieving them
but truth be told, I get sidetracked by things that are too easy to do.
Like Facebook.
Like Twitter.
Like Youtube. (that’s a tough one)
No more posting funny pictures.
No more posting really cool links.
No more fucking around with stuff that will ultimately get me nowhere.
Real fast.
I’ve finally come to the realization that if I want to write a damn book, I need to write.
Period.
No distractions.
No games.
No Facebook.
No Twitter.
And NO YOUTUBE.
Kind of like a self-imposed ‘Lent’ for writers.
And if I truly want to call myself one then that’s what I need to do.
That’s my story and I am sticking to it.
Until next time.
Check my archives.
There’s much reading to be done.
Thanks all.
~m

ps. if you really need to get in touch with me?
Go to the page that says, ‘Email Me’.
I check email daily X 12 . . .

Amazing how fast a week goes these days.
It is once again Malarky Monday and the day we try to tickle your funny bone.
We are excited this week to have a new addition to MM in Diligaf.
Be sure to visit these crazy folks and troll their short list of archives.
Word on the street is that this week’s offering is outrageous.
Some awesome and hilarious stuff to be found there even though the blog is relatively young.
Anywhoo, have a blast with my finds this week.

First up is a very short commercial for Danier Leather.
I just love everything about this video (especially the brunette in the slinky dress)
Crank the sound for a great blues tune as well.
And be sure to watch to the very end.

And cats will be cats.
Even at Christmas . . .

And dogs will be dogs doing what they naturally do.
Even at Christmas . . .
Hey, at least the tree is taken care of.

And finally I thought I would help you out with some last minute email cards.

Click

HERE!!!!!

for the Top 5 funniest.

Now, please hop on your cyberspatial sleigh and visit my partners in crime:

Moe

Morky

Dilligaf

Happy Malarky Monday, folks!

This is something we should all read at least once a week.
It was written By Regina Brett, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio
To celebrate growing older, she once wrote a column called  ‘45 lessons life taught me‘.
It was the most-requested column she’d ever written.
Her odometer rolled over to 50 in 2006, and there was an update.
This was an email sent to me by a blogging friend from another blogging friend.
I’m hoping she sees this and realizes that, yes,
I am in that rare 7% to pass this one along.
This is priceless, folks.
Please feel free to forward friends and family this LINK.
This needs to be read.
Pax.

Regina Brett’s 45 life lessons and 5 to grow on

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative – dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

I’m thinking many people have wondered about the origins of my URL,
or not.
I’ve based my email addresses on Steely Dan song titles
simply because I didn’t want
an email address like  dan22677hj_kko0@yahoo.com.
Steely Dan song titles worked great;
hence bookofliars@gmail.com
(Book of Liars is a Dan song not currently on YouTube)
Okay, now I’ve let my little secret fly.
Now go and listen to the tune that ultimately gave me my URL . . .
(and a few email addys)
If you’re a Dan fan from the Boston area,
they’re appearing at the Wang in late July.
Go to Steely Dan.com  for more info
I’m on vacation that week but for some reason
I’m not bumming about it at all . . .

It’s no surprise to anyone that visits me that I really like changing my themes.
Dare I say I change it more than some folks change their socks or underwear.
Some folks would even say I have some serious theme ‘issues’.
I plead guilty.
In my lifelong search for the perfect theme I came upon one called ‘ThemeLog’ that spoke to me
and said quite simply, “This is so you, Michael.”
You’re looking at it right now.
Flash header and all.
And yeah, I love it.
I happened to mention this to Moe (my angel from Oz) several weeks ago during one of our weekly chats.
She agreed saying it was “bloody gorgeous” and that it fit in perfectly with the overall feel of my blog.
Fast forward to last Saturday night when I checked my email before heading up to bed.
There was an email in my Inbox from NattyWP, a premium WordPress theme site.
It was a ‘Welcome to Natty’ email thanking me for joining.
Joining?
Me?
Maybe one too many Guinness, I thought.
I clicked on the link in the email and entered the login info provided and there it was . . .  the zip file for ‘ThemeLog’.
I immediately knew who was responsible.
It was the only person that knew how much this theme owned me.
Maureen.
We ultimately needed a bit of help getting it up and running which Moe was to so thanks are in order to Dave from NattyWP.
He had this sucker whistling Dixie in less than 2 hours.
After a bit more fiddling (and numerous emails) here we are.
And here I am.
A few more tweaks will be made but know that to comment you must click on the post title.
Most folks have already figured it out but I thought I’d let you know anyway.
My deepest thanks to Moe for caring too much sometimes.
That’s just her way, I guess.
God only knows, I need it these days.
You are a peach, my dear.
Smith is already thinking about doing a “How long will Murphy keep this theme up?” contest.
Any guesses?
I’m thinking he’s definitely going to lose.
Time will tell, I guess . . .
Really, how bloody gorgeous is this theme?   

Damn, this woman is funny.

Denis Leary just kind of spoke my mind with this video.
The video and song are a bit old but are incredibly relevant even more so today.
My disillusionment with federal  and state government policies
have turned me into an asshole with a cause, I guess.
I can’t believe anymore in the total money-grubbing  douchebags that run this country.
As a citizen, I really want to quit.
But I can’t.
I am an asshole and I am damn proud of it.
Click on the picture above to see the classic ‘Leary’ video.
He smokes, drinks and swears and went to High School here in Worcester, Massachusetts.
He Rocks.

COLD IS A RELATIVE THING.

65 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Massachusetts plant gardens.

60 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Massachusetts sunbathe.

50 above zero:
Italian & English cars won’t start.
People in Massachusetts drive with the windows down.

40 above zero:
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Massachusetts throw on a flannel shirt.

35 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Massachusetts have the last cookout before it gets “Cold”.

20 above Zero:
People in Miami all die.
Bay Staters close the windows.

Zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico .
People in Massachusetts get out their winter coats.

10 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Massachusetts are selling cookies door to door.

20 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Massachusetts let the dogs sleep indoors.

30 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Bay Staters  get upset because they can’t start the Snow-mobile.

40 below zero :
ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Massachusetts start saying…’Cold enough for ya?’

50 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Massachusetts public schools will have a 2 hour delay.

{it’s 8.6 degrees as I type this. Noice}

The following is an actual junk email that had me laughing my ass off.
It was kinda like reading Hemingway on acid.
If all spam was like this, I think I’d actually read more of it.

“The grand piano is single-handledly gentle.
Some eggplant related to a traffic light makes love to a carelessly frustrating rattlesnake, or the hole puncher over a traffic light accidentally borrows money from some paper napkin of a diskette.
A bowling ball daydreams, because a power drill eats the maelstrom about another polygon.
Another highly paid spider buries the college-educated line dancer.
For example, the mitochondrial fraction indicates that a vaporized nation is a big fan of a stovepipe for a dolphin.”

Yeah, weird.

This post is approximately 5 years in the making . . .
I’ve been an avid fan of writer Jonathan Carroll for the better part of ten years and have read almost everything the man has written. Although he’s relatively unknown in some literary circles he possesses an almost cult following for many readers, like me.
It was January 10, 2004 (my birthday) that I happened to find a rare book by Carroll floating about on Ebay.
It was called ‘The Panic Hand’, a collection of short fiction.
The item on Ebay was listed as ‘first edition, hardback, excellent condition’.
For whatever the reason, I had to have this book.
If you’re a reader, you understand the desire and obsession.
I began bidding and got into a war with someone that wanted the book almost as much as I did.
As I said, almost.
I was working that night and gave my wife instructions to place a bid of $60.00 about 30 seconds before the auction ended. If the book was destined to be mine, then so be it.
I ended up winning the auction and the book was mine.
I’m looking at it as I type this.
‘The Panic Hand’ has some of the best short fiction I think I’ve ever read especially a story called, ‘The Sadness of Detail’, my personal favorite.
Seeing that it was a first edition book, I wanted to have it signed and began looking for the next time Carroll would be in the states.
Sadly, I came up empty-handed and sent him an email inquiring about his schedule (and the fact that I had just purchased a first edition of said book and would love to have it signed).
To my surprise, I received a reply back from him that same afternoon.
He thanked me for writing and said that he didn’t get over to ‘this side of the pond’ too often seeing that he lives in Austria but suggested I keep an eye on his website for future visits.
In my email, I also mentioned how much I loved his story, ‘The Sadness of Detail’ asking where the inspiration came from. He wrote that the story was a ‘very old friend’ and one of his favorites but the inspiration for it escaped him at that time . . . but that he would be happy to sign the book should we ever meet.
Well, folks, next Tuesday night I’ll be going to Cambridge to the incredible Harvard Bookstore to listen to Carroll read from his new book, ‘The Ghost in Love’.
He’s doing a short Q&A session and a signing after that.
And yes, I plan on asking him about how he deals with ‘Writer’s Block’.
I will happily buy a copy of his new book and have it signed and hopefully be able to tell him just how much he’s inspired me in my own writing, although I write in a very different genre.
Then I will plead with him ask him to sign ‘The Panic Hand’ and hope he smiles.
Judging from the tone in his email, I should be one damn happy writer this time next Tuesday night.
Look for a follow up post.
If you haven’t read anything by this brilliant man, at least visit your local library and take something out.
I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
Don’t sound too excited, do I?