The text below was a spam comment on my blog that absolutely floored me.
It went into moderation (go figure) but I decided this was not a ‘bot’
but an actual person spamming me.
A very funny person, truth be told.
Sorry to say I will not be posting any Christmas links. (boldface text=meta tags)
They commented on a post written for Sarah before she started out on her current venture.
Funny stuff.

“I’m currently being held hostage by the Russian Mafia  [-xmas, christmas, santa]-
and being beaten to post spam comments on public forums!
If you don’t approve this they will maim me. [-jingle bells, christmas music-]
They are coming back now. [-one horse open sleigh, christmas gifts, christmas music-]
Please save me! [-xmas jokes, christmas morning, christmas carol]
- :)
but seriously, just trying to make a buck.
Help me out if you know how/can.
Hope this one was at least a bit entertaining.
Original credit to a much more original hustler.”

Original?
Entertaining?
Hells yeah!

I am: in transition and wondering about my future
I think: the world went to hell in a hand basket . . .
I know: I miss writing
I want: new teeth
I have: questions, too many
I wish: I could find some answers
I hate: goodbyes and temporary crowns
I miss: the old me
I fear: insomnia and more root canals
I feel: like I’m on the verge of something, maybe good, maybe bad
I hear: a fan cooling my sweating cueball head (I shaved this  morning)
I smell: a lit cigar
I crave: being 8 years old again running through my neighborhood
I search: for signs of my Mom and Dad everyday
I wonder: about my new neighbor next door and the fact that he wants to swindle me (NOT)
I regret: not finishing college and working retail. I’m so much better than that
I ache: for calm, for indigo breezes and purple sunsets
I care: about the future of my three wonderful girls (I am: so lucky)
I always: look before crossing  Boylston Street
I am not: perfect
I believe: in dreams
I dance: when I’ve had too much Maker’s Mark
I sing: because I can
I cry: more often than I believe I should
I don’t always: look before crossing Boylston Street
I fight: to stay alive
I write: because I can’t afford therapy
I never: wanted to be President
I stole: my wife’s heart
I listen: to things no one else seems to hear
I need: a creative kick in the ass and to play my didgeridoo more
I am happy about: my dear friends from Australia that will be here in less than 3 weeks.

Just updating my life status is all.
This post may turn out to be a monthly occurrence.
Tanks for the nudge, M

~m

I’ve played piano for 40+ years and one thing that’s always
pissed me up the wall is the size of my hands.
They’re incredibly small and very unlike Sergei Rachmaninoff, Dave Brubeck, Ray Garland,
McCoy Tyner, Bill Evans, George Gershwin and Charles Ives. (and I love them all)
These guys have gorilla sized hands.

Palm a basketball?
No problem.
Palm a watermelon?
Easy.
Hand me that piano?
No worries.
Play a chord with more notes than the fingers on two hands?
Got more ivory?

To try and play a Garland or Gershwin tune you need about 800mgs of ibuprofen an hour
before playing so you don’t cramp up too much.
I’m serious.
Chopin?
Small and fast hands, the little bastard.
He was a magician and quite the sex fiend from what I hear.
Russian hands and Roman fingers.

I saw this video a while back and forgot all about it.
Tonight I am tickled pink to post it.
Interesting though that to play the Charles Ives ‘Concord Sonata’ you need several pieces of wood
cut to specific sizes and weights in order to play the piece.
I guess his hands weren’t big enough.
Enjoy this amazing and funny video.
I love it from a musical standpoint as well as a comedic statement.
This is Rachmaninoff’s Prelude in C-sharp minor with much added levity.

“Small hands. But only hands small.”
I like this guy.
Alot.

What would Christopher Walken do?
I have a real hard time believing that Walken has a hard time doing anything.
Maybe transcribing chords for a Steely Dan song or playing a digeridoo but jeepers,
the guy acts, sings, and does comedy.
Not everyone likes him but I am a definite fan.
If you haven’t seen these videos (and are a Walken fan) you are in for a serious treat.
The guy amazes me from the standpoint of an artist.
If they ever come up with a ‘WWCWD’ bracelet, let me know.
I want one.

He dances too . . .

Good stuff.

M

Funny?
You have no idea.
This clip is a bit longer than I like but damn, it’s worth watching.
The boys from the UK have done it once again.
Now there’s a surprise, huh?
Get some popcorn, cheese and crackers and a beer.
Maybe a Dublin ‘side car’ for good measure.
Good stuff, folks . . .

It is once again Malarky Monday and time to get your freak on.
By now I think you’ve got the general idea.
Take a gander at my findings for the week and stroll on over to my other
freaky-deakies to see what they’ve found for the week.
Mondays will never be the same!!!

Please visit:

Moe!

Morky!!

Dilligaf!!!

This week I am going low-tech.
No mind blowing science stuff here.
Read on, you’ll see . . .

Three women in a sauna
Three women, two younger and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound.
The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped.
The others looked at her questioningly.
“That was my pager,” she said, “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.”

A few minutes later, a phone rang.
The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear.
When she finished, she explained, “That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.”

The older woman felt very low-tech.
Not to be out done, she decided she had to do something as impressive.
She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom.
She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end.
The two young women raised their eyebrows and stared at her.
The older woman finally said, “Well, will you look at that. I’m getting a fax!”
{*rimshot/cymbal crash}

Everyone has heard of Guitar Hero, right?
Hi-tech game stuff, software, hardware . . .  yeech.
Here’s something that’s down several notches for those not quite
hip enough to handle the guitar thing . . .

(cue up ‘Tie a Yellow Ribbon’ please . . . )

Last but certainly not least is a little video that addresses an issue
from days of long, long ag0.
Before IT Support there may have been something called the Medieval HelpDesk.
This was just too funny and fit perfectly with my luddite-themed post.
Enjoy.

Happy Malarky Monday!

Got this from a close friend of Sarah’s.
It is, in a literary sense, quite haunting and spoke to me in ways unimaginable.
It was supposedly written by a 15-year-old girl.
Pretty amazing and apropos for this particular time in my life.
Thank you, Katherine.
You are, in many ways, an angel,
although you would never admit it . . .

“The soul and the body exist separately.
While the soul uses the body as a vessel to express itself,
they never truly become one.
For this reason, when one’s body passes on,
the soul does not follow.
Instead it remains living; free to wander where it pleases.
Visiting its favorite places, or doing its favorite things.
And if, while on Earth, the soul found someone so special that it wants never to leave them,
it will enter that person and continue to live.
It chooses to stay in that person.
Forever watching over them,
Protecting them,
Loving them.
Forever being with them.
Realize this, remember this, keep this with you.
Because the bodies of the ones we love will pass on,
But their souls will never die.”

*thinking about Dad and angels

Welcome to Malarky Monday!
If you haven’t been here, done that and bought the t-shirt
we take the first day of the week to see if we can get you to one simple thing:
Smile!
It’s silly but we are having a hell of a time doing it.
This is our ‘Silver Anniversary’ week.
25 posts!
Be sure to visit my fellows in hijinx from the land of Oz after your brief visit here.

*Moe
*Morky
*Dilligaf

Thought I would bring back my little kitty friend from several weeks ago.
This time he’s had a bit too much catnip.
Seems he really likes the stuff.

And never, EVER, trust a kangaroo.
the sneaky, bloody bastards . . . 

Don’t leave home without these . . .
(wtf?)
Makes anything into a sandwich, huh?
Too bad they don’t have pumpernickel . . .

Last but not least . . .
Have you been to the movies lately?
Mmmm . . .  yeah, I thought so.

Happy Malarky Monday folks!
Be sure to visit my whacky friends!

Now and then it’s time for something ‘Dali’
This caught my eye.
An amazing artist.
Deeper than the oceans . . .
Be sure to check out Virtual Dali

pax

Malarky Monday =
the one day of the week me and my blogging freaks/friends try and make you
laugh, spit, giggle and hopefully pass a bit of coffee out your nose.
Actually, all we really want is a smile.
You are not done until you visit my fellows in hijinx.
Links will follow!
This week I have some favorite clips.
They’re not long but damn they’re funny.
If you have some YouTube stuff or some zany webpage that you think I haven’t seen, email me
and I will put your name in lights.
(*translation, you will get some linky-love, or a mention if you don’t have a blog)

First up, a product infomercial gone horribly wrong.
Epic FAIL!

I hate used car salesmen so I really enjoyed this clip.
Almost too much.

Last up, a short vid from ‘The Kids in the Hall’, a comedy show years ahead of its time.
Sadly defunct now.
This video deals with the abuse of a particular word in the workplace.
A classic, tbs (to be sure)
I ascertained the fact that you should watch this . . .

Now, go and visit my fellow hucksters!
And get more coffee!
They won’t disappoint.
I promise.
HaPpY MaLaRkY MoNdAy!

Moe
Mark
Dilligaf