Smoke and Mirrors

In a perfect world . . .

Category: Billboards

Sorry, we’re full (of what, we don’t really know)

“Hey buddy, if you got half a brain in your head, you can’t park it here.”
This is an actual sign that I saw in Boston on Saturday morning.
Do they have something called a sign spellchecker?


I have no idea what the fine folks at Ben & Jerry’s are smoking these days but they have some of the tackiest advertisements for ice cream that my eyes have ever had the misfortune to read.
The ads are so cutesy they make me want to stir fry a litter of Chihuahua’s.
Well, almost.
I hear they taste just like chicken.
Ice cream in January around here is almost as enticing as a hot cup of soup on the 4th of July.
It just doesn’t make meteorological (or logical) sense.
Like these Ben & Jerry’s ads.
I saw an ad at B&J’s a month or so ago for one of their frozen concoctions called ‘Whirled Peace’.
Gag me with a maggot.
The proverbial turd floating in the crapper was something I happened to notice last Tuesday.
Are you ready?
Get your tie-dye barf bags out.
The flavor du-jour (I didn’t even bother to see exactly what it schwas) was something called, ‘Yes, Pecan’, in honor of the big O’s inauguration.
Yes, Pecan?
You have got to be shitting me.
Lame, lame, lame.
Well, smack my ass an call me Betty, who was the slogan-making machine that penned that one?
They should be brought out to pasture and neutered.
Over the years, slogans have always managed to catch my attention, especially when they’re real bad.
(like B&J’s)
I found a few funny things floating in cyberspace regarding slogans gone over to the dark side:

  • Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick”, a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that “mist” is slang for manure.
  • Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.
  • Coors put its slogan, “Turn it loose,” into Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer from diarrhea.”
  • Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: “Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.”
  • When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the U.S., with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what’s inside, since most people can’t read.
  • The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as “Ke-kou-ke-la”, meaning “Bite the wax tadpole” or “Female horse stuffed with wax”, depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent: “ko-kou-ko-le”, translating into “Happiness in the mouth.”
  • In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan, “Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation,” came out as “Pepsi Will Bring Your Ancestors Back From The Grave” in Chinese.
  • Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan, “Finger-Lickin’ Good” came out as “Eat Your Fingers Off.”
  • Frank Perdue’s chicken slogan, “It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken” was translated into Spanish as “It takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate.”
  • When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that “No Va” means “It Won’t Go.” After the company figured out why it was not selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe.
  • Ford had a similar problem in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang for “Tiny Male Genitals.” Ford pried all the nameplates off and substituted “Corcel”, which means horse.
  • When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its adds were supposed to say, “It Won’t Leak In Your Pocket And Embarrass You.” However, the company mistakenly thought the Spanish word “embarazar” meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that “It Won’t Leak In Your Pocket And Make You Pregnant”

The psychology of slogans fascinates me.
And come to think of it, after reading these, maybe Ben & Jerry’s isn’t so bad after all.
Bite the wax tadpole?
Evyl must have had something to do with that one . . .

Difficult Times {3}

Sometimes, the problems you must face
are more than you wish to cope with,
and tomorrow doesn’t seem to offer any solutions.

You may ask yourself, “Why me?”
but the answer is sometimes unclear.
You may even tend to feel that life hasn’t been just or fair
to burden you with such obstacles.

The roads any of us choose to follow are never free
of bumps or curves,
but eventually the turns lead to a smoother path ahead.

Believe in yourself and your dreams.
You will soon realize that the future holds many promises
for you.
Remember . . .  difficult times don’t last forever.

~Geri Danks

{dedicated to my three girls}


Tonight is very special.
A dear friend has finally flown off to a place that is all her own.
I’m so happy she’s come back to the blogosphere because she adds so much to it.
I feel I don’t need to say much more than that.
I will tell you to visit her not because she is dear to my heart
but because she will inevitably change your life in magical ways should you read her blog long enough.
She calls it as she sees it and makes no bones about where she stands.
I am blessed that she considers me a close friend.
Click on the picture above and go to the very beginning of something very special.
You can thank me later.
You Rock, Moe . . .

Billboards that rule

Yeah,  I was a bit bored this afternoon.
Found these billboards and I gotta tell ya, they’re hilarious.
Take a peek.
I love all of them but my favorite is the very last one.
Enjoy a little bit of


And the very best for last . . .

Not a billboard but I figured I’d throw in the kitchen sink . . .

Walls of thought

Sometimes graffiti can be thought provoking, frighteningly beautiful and sometimes even deeply disturbing.
I found this site the other night and wanted to share it here.
I split the post so it wouldn’t take up 3/4 of the front page.
Click ‘continue reading’ to see some wonderful stuff.


Continue reading

God’s creatures

I know.
I’m a sick, twisted bastard.
Shut up and pass the A-1 sauce.


Just found Saskatoon’s website.
They sell the above billboard artwork on a t-shirt. Check it out.

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