Welcome to the cerebral gas exchange

It has been a crazy few months around here (hence, the reposts)
and I am still
desperately trying to get caught up and back to square #42.
By the time I reach ‘Square #1‘  it might be the name of a new high fiber breakfast cereal
that enables you to ‘pass’ wicker furniture out your keester like soft butter.
That said, thanks to all that have continued to stop by.
I have come to a turning point here at Smoke & Mirrors and can’t quite figure
out how to navigate the current seas. (hence, the current rambling post)

My original intention was for this place to be a ‘cyberpad’ to collect my many thoughts and
emotions as I watched both of my parents battle Alzheimer’s.
It was just that and so much more, truth be told.
I am still estimating the casualties physically and emotionally but have temporarily closed the door.
I will re-open said door at some point but for now it’s off limits as I’m still too close to it.
The Alzheimer monster is never far away though as it currently sinks its sharp teeth
into the life of my father-in-law.
This time things feel different if only because I know exactly what to expect.
It doesn’t make it any easier to watch the scenario play out but I’ve learned where
to store the emotional carnage.
I still fully expect to have the occasional  ‘son of a bitch, I hate this disease’ day but this time at least
I’ll be prepared.
Maybe even overqualified, IMHO.

I am still sorting out in my head the three weeks we spent with Maureen and Mark.
I have no idea where to even start;
“It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents–
except at occasional intervals,
when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets . . . “

That would never do.
Check out the Wordle at the top of this post.
It is a very good rendition of not only my current state of mind but of three most incredible weeks of my life.
And it may explain just how crazy things have been around here.
Pamela and I now have our eyes solidly set on a 2 week vacation next July.
My boss gave me a thumbs up today on an extended sojourn to Australia so the planning can now begin.
As far as the blog is concerned, for now I’ll just play it by ear.
Lord knows as a musician I’m used to that . . .

7 thoughts on “Welcome to the cerebral gas exchange

  1. You and I have had this conversation before, yes?
    I would hate to see you close the doors on your magical kingdom. That would be nothing less than heartbreaking, and for more than one reason.
    Like you, I have logged some serious hours here, albeit in a different way, and I see this place as a home away from home.
    Having said that, I know exactly where you are in relation to blogging.
    There are days when it seems irrelevant, and that’s not because of what’s happened, it’s more because of why you started blogging to start with.
    Having lost the reasons as to how this place was conceived means sending it on a different path, and that’s where I think you struggle.
    You’ve always seen this as a type of haven for your thoughts in regard to Alzheimer’s.
    Maybe your haven for the thoughts here, now lies elsewhere?
    Maybe you don’t want to move those thoughts because they’re comfortable here, in the place where you’ve laid bare your heart and soul because it seems like the final step in your painful journey?
    Maybe you’re simply procrastinating doing what you want to do?
    There could be a million and one reasons as to why, but realistically, only you can answer the questions that currently plague you my friend.
    Perhaps you’re just not ready to face those questions, thus the reason they aren’t really clear?
    When it’s all boiled down you need to do what’s best for you {once you work out what that is} regardless of me or anyone else.
    In the meantime, keep your eyes firmly fixed on the Southern Cross, and before you know it, we’ll be standing there beside you as you look into the sky and actually see the real thing
    {{{hugs}}} for you, Pam and George too, as you start down a well worn path.
    Lord knows you can never have too many hugs

    I thank you ever so much for this wonderful and insightful comment.
    I don’t want to close the doors here either but I am torn.
    Time will tell much in terms of the direction here.
    If the doors close here they will open elsewhere, of that I am sure.
    Know that your patience and love for this place has never gone unnoticed
    and will forever be appreciated.
    Time to ‘find’ myself again . . .

  2. The path you are on is your own.. we are merely travelers whose paths have converged near your own. Hoping to see you again when the time is right. Who knows what guided me to your door the first time, but the light was on and I ventured near.
    I’ve no regrets and nothing but kind thoughts headed your way.

    Peace be with you brother.

    Glad you followed your personal breadcrumbs here.
    It’s been wonderful to have such a dedicated reader.
    You are a peach, KLC
    I am curious though as to how you did find me . . .

    • I believe in fate…don’t you? Sometimes the universe and God direct us to where we are most needed or need to be. It is hard sometimes to shut down the babble around us enough to listen to the whispers.

      Yes, I believe.
      Destiny as well.
      God, it kills me.
      As a writer I am used to babble but I never ever like it!
      Tanks, kiddo.

  3. Hm. Since I am apparently tone death, I can’t really identify with playing it by ear. :smile:

    I can however identify with ‘going with the flow’ knowing full well that often that flow just diminishes into a bed of dry river rocks. But the rain will sooner gather and wash happily over the thirsty stones. Sometimes sooner, sometimes later……

    Take it easy Pal.

    So very nice to hear from you, Suze.
    Been far too long.
    I pray that you are well.
    Look forward to talking on FB.
    As far as the rain?
    You are absolutely right.
    be safe, be well, be happy

  4. This is a place of quietude for you, a sort of second home. It will be here when you want or need to come back.

    Going with the flow is good. It’s what survivalists do when they want to make their way back to civilization — find a river and go downstream with the flow.

    you are a font of amazing thoughts and ideas, milady

  5. A trip to Australia has been a life long dream of mine. Plan well and enjoy. In the mean time we’ll all be here awaiting your return, be it sooner or later. Take care.

    I will be around, PP
    Not as much as usual but I check the blog every day.
    No worries.
    Tanks, bud

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