The Bridge

It used to be so easy years ago – this blogging thing.
Most people know this blog was my own personal bridge to an understanding of a disease that
has all but consumed the better part of the last 12 years of my life.
Writing used to be so easy, life was the hard part.
Now everything has changed.
The bridge is permanently closed and my journals have been painfully empty.
Empty can be a real painful place for a writer.
I write every day but much of what I write now is too personal and heavy for blog posts.
Many will say that the bridge never closes but for me, this one has.
My reasons for needing it in my life have changed.
I have changed.
My mind is currently like a dark grey and forbidding sky that appears to be swiftly moving yet
still appears the same.
Enigmatic, much like my grey matter.
I need to find a way to connect with my insides again.
The entrance was emotionally sutured in late March of this year.
So where do I go from here?
I’m really trying to find my way back in.
Or out.
Sorry for my absence, if you missed me.
I’m hoping you have.
I’m praying for a light to go on any day now.
And I’m thinking I’ll be alright.
But time will tell . . .

~m

13 thoughts on “The Bridge

  1. ~M you always wrote from the heart, you’ve gone through a major period of your life that led to this blog being your voice and place to let what you were feeling with come out… There will come that time again as you come to and cross the next bridge that life lays before you.

    Be Well Friend

    Thanks, G
    I know you’re right.
    ~m

  2. for 12 years, you had a really important ‘job’, and the blog served as a means to organize your thoughts, vent, reflect and process all that came with that… that all changed, so it makes sense that your relationship with the blog is going to change as well.

    use it as you need it. or not. i look forward to your words, and watch you on your journey – i know my blog is an ebb and flow of what i need at any given moment. as you explore the nature (or even existence) of your bridge? i’ll be watching. suspect my relationship with my blog is due for a realignment at some point…

    take care. glad you’re still writing – even if it’s not on the blog!

    Daisy?
    You are a gem.
    I know we’ve talked about this via email and know I will refrain from saying, “I’m sorry!” :laugh:
    Take care, kiddo.
    Hope you get back safe from Greece . . .
    ~m

  3. You have much more to say, only the subject matter has changed.
    It’s not the end, just a new road, and navigating new roads takes time.
    Patience my friend, patience.

    I hear you loud and clear.
    I owe much to you in terms of my direction.
    I am lucky to have such a friend.
    ~m

  4. yeah, what they said :) one foot in front of the other, we’ll be here.

    you are always here, my dear.
    Tanks.
    ~m

  5. Just wanted to thank all of you for your support.
    The road has definitely been a bit strange
    as of late but I am hoping that inspiration finds me.
    If it doesn’t, I’m going hunting.
    Thanks again, guys.
    ~m

  6. Just as long as you keep writing in your journal on a daily basis,you will be fine.
    Isn’t that what you always say,just keep writing even if it is the same line over and over and over?
    Eventually,something will click .
    If you need writing prompts,just ask me.I have a million questions that run the gamut from dopey to really intense. I just can’t pen them like you can.
    Hang in there and don’t jump! :kiss:

  7. Michael,

    I envy the way you are able to put your deepest thoughts and feelings into words. If your journal is where they need to be…..then so be it. Share what you can…what you need to….and keep the rest in your journal. But never, ever give up your writing….you have a special gift.

  8. Over the past few months I have had a hard time blogging as well. Life was getting heavy and it seeped into my words. I don’t normally write about sunshine and happiness, but I try (with effort) to make a positive point, show that light is possible in darkness. Apparently I was unsuccessful in this and I there was a small uprising, people emailing me telling me I am depressed and if I need support or emotional help… if they only knew :sly:

    Let me sum it up… writing is an outlet. When we have to turn ourselves into something different, it becomes something different. I can relate entirely to your plight. And on top of everything else… its grey. Thats not good in a writers life… grey is what I call emotional writers block… the well over flowed, the ground was fed, and now it thirst for more… yet it is dry… grey… one day my friend…

    For Now…

    Know that you will find your answer. Know that you bring happiness, smiles, tears, art and beauty to this community. Know that it is you people want to read… not the definition you defined yourself.

    For Now I will continue to pray for the light to go on

  9. Take the time you need to connect with your insides, your loved ones and friends….then, I bet, the writing will come. The writing may be very different this time, but you are different now. Having gone through something like you have, for the past twelve years will make you feel different about many things. The many memories that have touched your heart, will indeed, touch your writing!
    Enjoy the time!

  10. I came across some words this morning which really touched me. Then I thought of you. I wasn’t familiar with the writer; but I’ll see if you are. Here’s part of his song:

    Ring the bells that still can ring,
    Forget your perfect offering.
    There is a crack in everything –
    that’s how the light gets in.

    :kiss:

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