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Some thoughts from many years ago (2006)
Seems like yesterday . . .
We had my father over for Easter dinner on Sunday.
My sister wanted to pick him up and bring him over; something I believe she had to do.
I think she fears there won’t be many more left to share.
Sadly, I would have to agree.
Actually, I would have agreed over a year ago.
I have to give her credit for going through the rigmarole of getting him ready,
seated safely in the car and bringing him over to our house.
I’ve been there, done that and bought the t-shirt.
My father has a difficult time walking these days reminding me more of Charlie Chaplin than the man I once called “Dad”.
It’s an unfortunate physical side effect of a brain at war with total neurological disintegration.
We eventually got him into my living room and plopped him down in my favorite chair:
one, because the chair is just so damn comfortable
and two, because when we finally let him go, it would be impossible for him to miss it.
We all sat down to eat and my sister and I filled his plate with ham,
green beans and Au gratin potatoes, all of which we cut up into pieces to make it easier for him to feed himself.
And feed himself he did.
He ate everything on the plate.
Either my cooking was really good that day or where he’s currently staying is really bad.
Whatever the case, it was wonderful to see him enjoy a meal.
He didn’t speak a word as he ate.
My wife caught him stabbing at an empty spot on his plate.
She gently rotated his plate to where the food was and he was none the wiser.
Mission Accomplished.
The rest of the afternoon went off without a hitch.
After eating, we ushered him back to my chair where he fell asleep; perhaps shuffling through his own little world of monochromatic movie screens and silent dreams . . . a sleeping Charlie Chaplin.
We woke him an hour or so later and got him back into the car.
As I fastened his seat belt, I looked at him as he peered over the rims of his glasses and I said,
“No Boston Marathon for you tomorrow, young man.”
I’m sure he didn’t understand a word I said but knew enough to do a little chuckle and mutter, “Yeah”.
He plays the game so well most days so why the hell can’t I?
For me, the Easter cupboard was somewhat threadbare in terms of holiday revelations
and personal epiphanies but I did get to marvel over the way my Dad still gets through his days.
In many ways, he’s graceful in a way I may never be.
As long as his surreal movie keeps playing,
I’ll continue to watch him as he shuffles through his seemingly silent and black and white world,
just like Chaplin.
~m
I remember this post, like it was yesterday.
May your memories bring you peace!
Some of us are just better at admiring the players.
and yet your grace in the intervening years shines clearly.
IF I were ever in a fight I’d want someone just like you at my back.
This was one of those bitter/sweet posts that were so prevalent here for so long.
Knowing you were enjoying the good days, but also knowing they were becoming less frequent.
Hearing the sweet longing for more, followed by the bitter realisation there wouldn’t be any….
I can see more of these reposts as time goes by because that’s how you’re going to deal with it.
As time goes by, the only memories will be good ones, and that’s when your mourning will be done.
Outwardly anyway….
Honestly, the feelings that I had when reading this were pretty well summed up by what Anony & Kyk said. Anything I add would probably diminish it so I won’t even try.