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Maybe it’s a sign of survival, of anguish,
of the frightening realization that mortality does exist in the deepest recesses of the mind.
Maybe it’s a sign that everything is still changing,
still in that near frozen state of flux . . .
For him, for me, for the four walls that still imprison him,
for a world that looks to him as confusing today as it did several hundred yesterdays ago.
Maybe it’s not a sign at all but a palpable gesture that while he sleeps,
this ravenous disease does not; it always wants more.
It replaces what it takes with something barely recognizable, something dark and foggy,
something you never want to talk about around the coffee table but remains forever.
Sometimes this thing just takes.
And takes . . .
Maybe it’s a sign that he is tired, fed up with playing the host,
sick of food that looks like pureed shit put through a strainer that he has to try and swallow.
Banana Crème Pie should never look like soup.
But it does.
And that’s a crying goddamn shame.
His mother was a pastry chef, Christ in a sidecar.
Maybe someday I will look back at this point in time and have a moment of revelation
but I’m not betting on it.
If this disease has taught me anything it’s not to get caught up in any kind of emotional gambit.
It’s a losing proposition at best.
So maybe it is a sign.
For my father maybe it’s a sign that simply says ‘stop’ . . .
Thinking of you and your Dad tonight and wishing you both peace. Peace in your mind and heart.
You are right…maybe it is a sign, that says ‘Stop taking’!
‘Stop taking’ is absolutely right.
I wish it had stopped long ago.
Tanks, kiddo
~m
You are bearing witness to your sign, your revelation… you have witnessed the stop, yet continue beyond the necessary strength… you are the sign maker… and your father is blessed to have you as the guardian… angel
Blessings to you and your family. May you witness your heart and be aware to your importance and your strength…
.-= enreal´s last blog ..The I =-.
It’s funny but somedays I don’t feel very strong.
I wear the face and go about my day.
There are only several people that know the real story.
I thank you so much for your comment.
And there you go again with the angel thing . . .
~m
*sigh*
I have no words to soothe, to alter what is, and I don’t have anything inspirational.
I know regardless of what I say, the pain doesn’t go away, the fog is still thick, and getting thicker, and that your heart breaks for what’s been taken from you in the most cruel way possible.
Piece by piece.
Not so long ago I was given a candle to light for myself when needed, but tonight I think you both need it more than I ever will.
{{{hugs}}}
.-= anonymum´s last blog ..Malarky Monday =-.
I am always thankful for a candle lit for me or a loved one.
Light is an amazing thing.
Thank you, Maureen.
I know you understand better than most.
~m
Its so hard and we are so far away.thinking and praying for help tonight.
Mark
.-= Burnie´s last blog ..Malarky Monday =-.
Thank you, my dear friend.
It helps to know that someone far away is praying for you.
Much appreciated.
~m
“stop”. so much better than “yield”… peace to you and your father…
.-= daisyfae´s last blog ..Trailer Park War Gaming =-.
Much better than ‘yield’
An amazing observation but then I’ve come to
expect that from you, DF
Tanks, kiddo.
~m
Wishes of peace to you and your family, Weaker men have walked away from the pain. I am proud to know you even in the little way I do.
Don’t feel as strong as some make me out to be.
I am just a regular guy just doing what I think needs to be done.
As always, your comments cut through the fog.
Tanks so much, kiddo
~m
Thinking of you all.
.-= Lolly´s last blog ..HAPPY HALLOWEEN! =-.
Much appreciated, Lolly.
Tough time of year.
Wore your hat today.
Damn, my bald noggin was almost too warm!
I love that!
I think I may commission you to make a few more for me in exchange for some CD’s . . .
~m