Monday
Pamela and I were outside raking the endless falling leaves the other day,
actually it was on our anniversary.
I know, romantic, huh?
It’s a mundane chore such as this that allows the grey matter to play around a bit,
reminisce about autumns past, maybe even give the constantly buzzing hemispheres in my cranium a bit of a vacation from the vagaries of the daily rat race.
I began thinking about my life as being partitioned into ‘seasons’,
and that from where I stand I am currently in the midst of my own personal autumn.
It’s a time of great change, a biological necessity and ever so slight rewinding of the clockwork that makes me tick.
I accept the fact that my life has experienced changes from as far back as my days of ‘spring’.
I do find it sad though that my endless summer has come and gone taking with it certain elements of youth, the embers of the burning innocence that once defined my life reshaping my thoughts on a daily basis.
This is my autumn, I think,
when my eyes focus on an enormous pile of leaves that need to be raked onto the tarp and dragged behind the shed (where all the bad leaves go).
I stare at the pile of vibrant colours,
the burnt yellows and searing reds, like a fire in front of me.
Things change and life continues to change me.
Caught inside the moment, in my mind I see three little girls going down the slide headfirst into a pile of leaves that I’ve left just for them, Pamela running into the house for the camera, never one to miss an opportunity for a silly photo.
I see myself raking, smiling, listening to those echoes of laughter and the beautiful sounds of a fall
that was so damn very long ago.
It’s no surprise that I miss it, almost as much as I miss the old me that was raking those very leaves.
I shake myself out of this melancholy daydream and notice
that the sky above me is a putty grey replacing the daydream skies of an innocent blue from a thousand moments ago.
As I drag another tarp full leaves to the opposite end of the yard,
I smile, because off in the distance I can hear the sound of a rusty swing
going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth . . .
And as the leaves continue to fall, I continue to rake
I am impressed. You actually rake leaves. I go with the approach of using a leaf blower to give leaves to my neighbors.
If raking leaves can evoke memories that make you smile, I say rake MORE leaves…
Circumstances may change, as do the seasons, but the basic person doesn’t…yes, they age, but not change…
You’re still the father who loves his daughters,loves his wife, loves his parents and the friend who would do anything for someone he cares about, the talented musician, gifted writer and person of deep faith…you are still all these things, are you not?
Maybe you haven’t changed so much as you’re more aware of the person you’ve always been?
I got pictures via email just yesterday of my grandson and granddaughter playing in the leaves!
I find I don’t miss the endless summer much, in the fall, the air takes on a clarity that makes things sharp and wondrous for me. Much like my life at this time. I am definitely slower, but also more reflective and appreciative. I am content (mostly) with who and what I am, what I have done and what I might yet do. Here’s hoping you can enjoy the place you are as well as the places you’ve been.
I love those moments when your life smacks ya right upside your head leaving a gaping hole where the memories come tumbling back in. I love the way you compare the season’s changing to the change that takes place inside all of us. THEY do grow too fast. I too, find myself zoning into thoughts of my 3 hiding in piles of leaves, raking, running around and having fun. I think it’s all about appreciating the small things in life and clearly you do.
In the midst of my own personal autumn, – GORGEOUS! I love that!
Reading this was better than grabbing a cup of tea, a few biscuits, huddle under a blanket and watch a good emotional roller coaster movie while the Autumn winds rage on outside the window.
Perfect.
Thank you.
Autumn has always been my favorite time of the year, and your words – both figuratively and spiritually – has done little but to strengthen that ideal.
I’ve missed reading you bud.