Comments on: Stuck

By: Mrs. V

Mrs. V — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 03:26:58 +0000

I believe, ~m, that you are far from selfish. Just wanted you to know that. My prayers for you, my prayers for you dad.

Tanks, Ang.
Keeping the faith.
~m

By: Linda

Linda — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 20:14:14 +0000

Been there. It’s God awful. No advice, really. I know I got through it when I finally realized Dad wouldn’t remember each visit, but they would stick with me forever. So I started keeping the bad ones very short. He would have wanted that for his daughter. It helped.

I love when people own up to the disease and say, no advice.
It’s hard to say but believe me, I understand and thank you for you honesty.
So nice to see you back in the blogosphere, L
I’ll be by soon.
Did you get your site situation worked out?
~m

By: Enreal

Enreal — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 05:59:10 +0000

You touch upon some important issues… life in its uncertainty and fairness… time and how much we truly are in control of… how little we are… endless questions in search of answers… it is in these times and moments I truly feel God listens…

I am not religious by any means… i find solace in my unfounded faith… in my dreams which hold little… and in my knowing… of what I have yet to uncover the source… Your father is hanging on… I do not know his condition or what led him to this place… yet he hangs on…perhaps you would too… or I… who knows…

If I dwell on this I am sorry… I learned something from this… you see my father did not hang on… he left … it was his time and my lesson to learn… perhaps I learned it here today… you see… I would not have wanted to see my father as you see yours… He was young (58) when he passed… he was ill, but not ill… he simply went to sleep and never woke up… he was on his way of being “stuck”… diagnosed with congestive heart failure… I only learned how serious it was after he died…

You speak of being selfish… I do not find it selfish one bit, on the other hand I find it liberating… Your fathers’ current state may possibly be a lesson for you… as it may be for him… as it was for me…

I apologize if I spoke too candid… I can relate to this with no reasoning… does that make sense… I hope your situation gets better… or you feel better with it… Namaste

Enreal,
you amaze me with your insight and compassion.
My Dad has hung on so long that it’s getting real tough to love him.
He just isn’t there.
There’s this strange guy that doesn’t know me.
God, it sucks.
Maybe he’s hanging on because he has too.
Thanks so much for the comment.
~m

By: daisyfae

daisyfae — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 20:00:41 +0000

not about lessons, i think… reminders that we’re all circling the drain… and we never know how it will end. this manner seems particularly cruel.

moments. your father is at the extreme of “in the moment” – so much so that he doesn’t remember the previous one. just being there is about all you can do…

‘Circling the drain’ . . .
How much do I love that analogy?
Tanks, DF
~m

By: carnealian

carnealian — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 19:47:13 +0000

This post is just heartbreaking to read. I have no idea what you are going through. There’s a reason he’s still here, even in the state he’s in. Try and be strong. It’s hard not to be selfish. And, I really don’t think you are.

Be still and know….

‘Be still’ is the best advice you could have given me.
Thanks, Carn
~m

By: Gemisht

Gemisht — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 12:15:45 +0000

Hugs to you Michael for what you are going through. I admire you your strength. When my Grandmother had Alzheimers, after she regressed further and further I found it very difficult to go and see her. In the end I didn’t go and see her until what I knew would be the last time I saw her. That was tough.

Maybe you aren’t being taught some kind of a lesson, maybe you are. Maybe the lessons are patience and forgiveness – but not forgiveness for others but learning to forgive yourself. I don’t know, I’m just guessing here. But maybe you need to forgive yourself that you can’t take away his suffering. As much as you wish that you could, and we do for you. And patience with yourself too. Don’t be so quick to jusdge yourself for feeling what I am sure are normal human reactions to the situation that you are in, and your Dad.

Just love him for being your Dad and that’s all you need. Don’t overthink it.

Maybe if you need some more topics for conversation, read the paper to him, talk about when you were young and memories that you have. I dunno, there’s so much but once you get into that awkward silence its so hard to break out.

Sending you lots of hugs and thinking of you.

I’ll be bringing a NY Times the next time I visit Wally.
You are a special one, Gem.
I think I always knew that.
Thanks for this little piece of your heart.
~m

By: Bryan (spaz)

Bryan (spaz) — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 11:37:20 +0000

Hi Michael

Don’t post (actually never have as you know) usually. Awesome post. I can relate to this feeling as when my father had his stroke it was very difficult for Susanne and I. I went through many of the same motions of not really knowing what to say and having him not be able to respond. I was not even sure if he really understood what I was saying to him. This was made even more difficult because he was such an independent man when he was healthy. Know that I am thinking of you and your family. Hang in there. While this was one of the most difficult times in my life my father actually taught me a lot when he became sick. Something that I am forever grateful for.

Brian,
Can’t thank you enough for the comment.
Some very pertinent advice here.
Amazing what one visit does to two people.
Thanks, bud.
Much appreciated.
~m

By: Lolly

Lolly — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 11:29:49 +0000

When my mother was in her last days, afflicted with Progressive Supranuclear Palsy, I would read to her from the New Testament of the Bible, hoping it brought some peace to her. Who knows. You just do the best you can. You are a blessing to many people, Michael.

Just do the best you can.
How good are you, Lolly?
Amen.
~m

By: teeni

teeni — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 04:20:06 +0000

This just sucks. Having a parent not even be able to acknowledge how much you care is super frustrating and there is nothing you can do about it. Well, actually, you are doing what you have to do by continuing to visit and talk to him and repeating your routine. You won’t regret it later no matter how futile it seems now. Hugs to you.

Thanks for the hugs, kiddo.
Some days just seem useless.
And yeah, it does suck.
Thanks for dropping by.
~m

By: Evyl

Evyl — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 03:01:37 +0000

I don’t know what to say except keep the faith. Take care my friend.

Thanks, bud.
I’m better than my writing portrays . . . I think.
~m