This was too funny not to share.
Once again, not sure of the authenticity but damn, these are funny.
Medical Stories
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, ‘My wife’s
going to have her baby in the cab!’ I grabbed my stuff, rushed out
to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her
Underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several
cabs —and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope
on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s chest wall.
‘Big breaths’, I instructed.
‘Yes, they used to be,’ replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA
3. One day I told a wife that her husband had died of a
massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I
heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of
a ‘massive internal fart.’
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment
with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was
having trouble with one of his medications.
‘Which one?’ I asked. ‘The patch. The
nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now
I’m running out of places to put it!’
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I
wouldn’t see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his
body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before
applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, ‘How long have you been
bedridden?’
After a look of complete confusion she
answered. ‘Why, not for about twenty years – when my
husband was alive.’
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning
and while checking up on a woman I asked, ‘So how’s
your breakfast this morning?’ ‘It’s very
good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to
get used to the taste,’ the patient replied.
I then
asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled ‘KY Jelly.’
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit
7. A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a
Young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker mohawk,
sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange
clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for
immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on
the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair
had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that
read, ‘Keep off the grass.’ Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said, ‘Sorry, had
to mow the lawn.’
Submitted by Doctor . . .
AND FINALLY…
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency, I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To
cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit
of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I
was performing this exam suddenly burst out
laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from
my work and sheepishly said, ‘I’m sorry, was I
tickling you?’
She replied, ‘No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, ‘I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener’.
Dr. wouldn’t submit his name (Go figure)
September 29th, 2008 
