Smoke and Mirrors

In a perfect world . . .


truth, masquerading
honesty is a false face
cuts my bleeding soul . . .

This day has found me disillusioned with various aspects of my life.
I am sadly discovering that in the blogworld, things aren’t always what they seem.
Seriously contemplating some time away from this place that I truly love, if only to figure out just what the hell I’m really trying to accomplish here.
I may be back tomorrow, I may not.
Right now, I just don’t know.
Pleading the fifth and I’ll leave it at that.
Much safer that way.
Until next time, be well folks.


  1. Just goes to show… when I find something it leaves… this is my selfish side talking… the devil on my shoulder… The angel says to find your solace, your peace… be happy and may you always be blessed… as I am sure you will be… may your journeys lead you back soon with tales of great insight and adventure…

  2. when i look closely enough i see what you’re saying…know i’m thnking of you ~m

  3. feelin’ your pain. had a pretty horrific experience recently myself. it will change how i engage “blogmates” in the future. during the same experience, however, i encountered the polar opposite of the “misrepresented human being”.

    i spent a substantial amount of my mental horsepower sorting through the issues, the expectations, the disappointments, the rage… and mostly the feeling of being exploited and used. i learned lessons from it. And i move on…

    Shadows and Light. It’s all out there… hope to read more from ~m in the future…

  4. Not only in the blogworld…..’things aren’t always as they seem’……but isn’t the ‘unknown’ what makes blogging exciting??? I’m just reader (for now), but I have noticed that there are very creative individuals blogging. Keep it up! What a great outlet! You’re so good at what you do! Keep the faith! :-)

  5. m squared,

    we need to talk! your categories bother me. i don’t believe i’ve ever seen you like this.

    what can i do?

    i think i may have an inkling of what some of this is about; always the dilemma for me…am i writing for myself, or selling to the crowd? that may be the reason so much of my stuff stays in my journal.

    give me a shout when you get to a space where you might need to talk…

  6. Ah, yes- maya…the illusion within all things. It is up to us to provide the world with meaning. There is much meaning in melancholy.

  7. Dude, Let me know if there is anything that I can do.

  8. Pain is inevitable. The trick is to limit the source; the intensity; and the duration.

  9. I think that you need a vacation.You need to get outside,breathe some fresh air,relax . Sometimes you need to step back from cyberspace and live a bit.It’s time for a break away from the keyboard. Pick up a book,read for awhile. pick up your fancy pens and write. The blogging world will still be there and they will be waiting for something profound and creative from you. It’s time.

  10. Very wise woman your wife ~m….you should listen to her…we’re patient people…we’re not going anywhere..

  11. I’m so sorry to read this. I hope your blogging experience has far more good aspects to negate anything that may have disillusioned you. I know mine has. Finding you and your blog has only enriched my experience. As selfish as I can be, I do hope you will be back. But the most important thing is that you do what is right for you. Sending you thought hugs and like mum says, we’re not going anywhere.

  12. The dark corners of blogland are we were explore the parts of ourselves we are reluctant to share in the real. It’s by nature a ficticious landscape. And yet often more real than the real itself. I’ve learned to tread a careful line between the two. But to trust that with the trolls and savages are the souls that match my own. Joy to mirror pain.

  13. Yikes!

    It’s easy to get caught up in this cyber-world and think that all the platitudes and back-patting means something more than it does. Having said that, anything I write is from the heart and real – I wouldn’t waste my time writing it if it weren’t true!

    I’ve had delusions shattered in this world too. Just close your eyes and remember what’s real and what’s really important, BUT know that some of us genuinely would miss you if you decide you need to leave.


  14. Oh Michael,

    I am so sorry. You sound so sad. Do what is right for you, that is all it was ever supposed to be about. Talk to someone who gets you and let it all out- give it time. Yes I will miss you, I never expected to find someone so deep and rich out here- who moves me with his words.

    thanks for sharing your self with us,

  15. Oh, m, so sorry to hear this news. Take time for yourself – only you know what is best for you. We will all be here if you do decide to come back (which I’m hoping you will!). Much love & hugs, 2LD.

  16. and loving the hidden haiku

    mine would have been just this: fuck you, asshole

    don’t let this wound you…start repairing NOW

    xx oo

    stay gold, ponyboy…

  17. Yes, truly smart woman in your life. You should listen to her. It’s summertime, it’s gorgeous out (ok, fine may be raining a bit often lately but puddle jumping is fun too), and no matter how much colour you will find in cyberspace, it can’t replace the wind in your hair, the smell of grass in your nose (not THAT kind πŸ˜‰ ), and the sunshine on your skin.

    Oh, and I am going out to buy a kite kit this weekend. They are just so gorgeous circling in the sky.


  18. I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with blogging. I’ve had no bad experiences with other bloggers – just with myself and what I write and how I feel about it after I have written it.

    But blogging is the one part of life where you really can be in control – you do it only if you wish to do so, you are beholden to nobody – write what you wish, receive comments only if you wish, disappear for months if you wish. Those readers who count will still be there for you when you return.

    So just do what is best for YOU. And never worry about changing your mind.

    There are weird people in blogworld as there are anywhere and perhaps the internet gives the opportunity to be weirder – I don’t know. I’ve not come across any (as yet).

    All the best

  19. *sigh* Michael . . take some time for Michael.
    I hope all is well.

  20. I’m just catching up on my reading. I hope you’re back already. πŸ˜€

    I’m back, kinda.
    Thanks, PP

  21. Remember, Michael, that friendships are like gemstones: they have many facets, even the valuable ones may have a flaw, and there is usually a cost associated with them. Only you can decide which ones are worth the cost.

    Oh, and one more similarity: when you look at them from a different angle, you often see something you hadn’t noticed before.


    Quotable, Smitty. And so apropos
    Thanks, bud.

  22. ~m

    Your angst is understandable. I’m sorry that someone has caused this disruption, discomfort and anger in your life.

    Your wife is brilliant in advising you to step back, take a breather, and find joy in life outside the internet world. I’ll be here when you decide to return, and I’ll miss your writing until you do.


    Mrs. V

    I’m okay. Healed by friends. So to speak . . .
    Nice feeling.
    Thanks for the comment.

  23. Hi, Michael.

    I was lead here by a link from our sweet Enreal’s blog. I didn’t make it any further than this post, before deciding to comment.

    First of all, I want to applaud what is obviously a very open heart. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt – and I hope that you’ll not let the actions of another person(s) close you down. We need people with open hearts, more than ever.

    Second…just an encouragement from a stranger. Look for the space that gives you “JOY” when you blog. It would be silly of me to try to guess where that space lies. It might be in providing information, humor, or inspiration. It also might be in personal alchemy and cathartic purging. Who knows?

    All I know is that if there isn’t any JOY involved, something’s gone awry.

    Find the JOY and you’ll find your peace again.

    Just my opinion, of course :) to take or leave as you wish.

    Namaste, Michael

    An open heart can get hurt.
    Nice thing is that it heals with time.
    As this one will.
    Thanks so much for the visit, WP.
    Be well.

  24. I’m way behind on reading blogs. I can only say that you have to do whatever you have to do to heal yourself. If I said that to my son he would snort heroin thinking that would heal him. It’s taken me most of the past year to begin to heal myself from my son’s heroin use, accepting my disabilities and dealing with my depression. I was waiting for someone to heal me and then it finally occurred to me that only I could heal myself. I am a work in progress but at least I am progressing. I did what I had to do which is different for everyone. So I say to you Michael, do whatever it is that feels right for yourself, whatever that may be. But whatever you do I wish good things for you.

    Thanks, Joan.
    I, too, am a work in progress (or so I think)
    Do right.
    A daily mantra . . . or should be.

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