~One caveat to all the ladies visiting, this post is in no way to be construed as a blatantly sexist commentary.
I’m just observing the changes in the female form over the years…very closely.
I can’t recall exactly when it happened or when I first noticed it.
I’m thinking somewhere between my roaring twenties and my “Jack Benny” years (a span of time when nothing is as it seems).
I’m talking about the disappearance of the female bum as I knew it.
It left and never said so much as a goodbye.
It seemed that I woke up one day and that perfectly curved, exquisitely formed part of the female anatomy was no longer with us; a memory, a distant thought once lodged inside the growing mind of a young man.
Oh well, go on, you can call me a flaming heterosexual.
And just so we're on the same page, IMHO, that is one fabulous bottom at the top of the page.
Presently, and correct me if I’m wrong, the female tush has taken on a more widespread stance sometimes appearing to cover massive areas of space, dividing state lines and looking repulsively misshapen.
Rectangular and almost boxy, in a way.
What designer decided that something needed to be done to refine the quintessential bumcake? It was fine the way it was.
The female posterior just doesn’t look the same to me these days and I feel somewhat betrayed. It’s not that I expected an email informing me of the change but a nicely written article in the “style” section of the paper may have alleviated some of the weirdness I feel when walking through a mall or strolling the beach these days.
It used to be something to look forward to, something to be savored, this art of “bum watching”.
It can’t only be me, I’ve decided that.
And I’m no freak show out for a five minute joy ride but rather a disgruntled observer who was never made aware of a major fashion change in the shapes and cuts of clothing, jeans to be specific.
To me, they all look strange these days.
I never find myself saying, ‘what a fantastic fanny’, anymore.
Guys, remember pointing out a soopah-doopah to the pack of wolves you used to hang around with?
How about the Levi Strauss jeans that women wore in the late seventies and early eighties?
Remember the way the jeans used to fit?
Maybe it’s just me, but I miss those days.
God, I'm pathetic…
ps. just for the record, I found this post on an old legal tablet of mine dated: 12.9.02