Monday
I suck at home improvement. I mention that basic fact only because I spent the better part of three hours this weekend trying to get a clogged pipe to magically unclog. Living in a house with a wife and three daughters (and only one bathroom) has a way of filling the plumbing system with enough hair to cover the Taj Mahal. There are hair products in the bathroom closet that I can’t even pronounce the names of, for God’s sake.
One day, my father-in-law taught me the technique and proper use of a plumbing snake. If you’ve never seen one, it’s basically a long thick coil of wire that is inserted into the pipe and worked through until it clears the clog. I have these nightmarish visions of this long piece of coiled metal slipping out of my hands before disappearing into the bowels of my septic system never to be seen or heard from again. That particular scenario never played itself out but I did have to go to Home Depot in search of a longer, better snake. I was using a 15’ and instinctively knew a 25’ would surely do the job. I’ve never been anywhere near adept at any home repair skill and can usually manage to screw up any simple task to the point of “you better call a professional before someone gets hurt”. Cooking? No problem. Want a nice stir-fry? Maybe a nice dish of Beef Stroganoff or a Chicken Tarragon Salad sandwich with alfalfa sprouts… That stuff is easy. But show me a project that may involve the use of power tools and a tape measure and I’ll run away faster than King Arthur in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Truth be told, I’ve never had an interest in plumbing or electrical or basic carpentry 101, although I can totally admire someone who does have that talent, especially if they’re bailing out my sorry unskilled ass. I’ve thought many times about taking a Night Life course in basic wiring or plumbing but something always keeps me away. Maybe it’s just that I feel a bit insecure when I walk up the power tool aisle of Home Depot and think out loud, wow, I wonder what the hell that thing does. The woman (a manly woman at that) working the power tool section overhears me and launches into a 20 minute discourse on the advantages and benefits of owning a Rigid router and lathe. Lady, please speak English.
At least I admit my inadequacies and damn it, I know my boundaries. Actually, my inability to fix the leaking faucet in the shower still astounds my wife (and rightly so). She scratches her head and wonders how someone so brilliant in some areas could be so incredibly stupid in others. I’ve got the problem solved though. The trick is to get my daughters to marry guys who are, how shall I say it, sympathetic to my cause? (Oh, he’s a plumber? We just gotta meet him!) This is going to work out just beautifully.
I did manage to unclog the pipe the other day but not with the 15’ snake or the 25’ snake but with an old crusty, mundane bathroom plunger. A few pushes and POP…look at that water go down! After I start the Coq au Vin, I’m going to take a look at that leaky faucet. You know duct tape is really underrated…
© michaelm 2005
Hi,
You have a neat blog here. I have a site on Skil Power Tools that you may be interested in linking to.
Not everyone can be good at everything. Infact, most people have things that they are really really bad. I am also really bad at “home improvemet”. I’ve never tried to do much, but the few things I have tired always ended up with my dad getting really really mad at me.
Sorry that my son is an accountant!!! :mouth: